Elf and the City

A Normal Modern Family

2011-08-15T14:19:00.000+08:00

I'm watching this US series called Modern Family. It's a story about a family and the extended families. The son is gay and he is living with his boyfriend of 5 years and they adopted a baby girl. When I say this, what kind of image do you have in mind? A good looking man with his equally hot boyfriend and a baby girl? I can tell you that it's not like that, and that's what I like about it.

If you want to know how the couple looks like, they are portrayed by Eric Stonestreet. How many shows have these kind of actors playing the gay characters? From what I know, there are very few. Most of the other gay characters are hot, cute and good looking. And so, I find it very refreshing to see different kinds of gay people.

I know most of the things that shows or movies have portrayed about gay people are correct, the working out, the partying, the casual sex, yes, they do happen in real life. But there's also the other side of the picture where gay people just don't party, don't have random sex, and live a simple life. And I'm very pleased that Modern Family is showing this side of the story.

And of course, the show is hilarious. Go watch it, faster.

Anti-Choice Is Probably Bad

2011-08-05T10:22:00.000+08:00

Some people are anti-choice. The term was originally used to describe anti-abortion supporters. I'm using it as a more generic term where a person is not open to different options. So, I would say I am mostly a pro-choice person, except with certain things like I will never give up tasty food for a ripped body, and all Mat Rempits should die. Those are absolutely non-negotiable.

Most of the time, I do not understand the arguments of an anti-choice person. Let's say abortion. I totally support abortion if it is of a medical issue. If the baby would put the mother's life in danger, then I'm okay with abortion. Do you think the mother is not sad that she has to lose her baby? But if you were too reckless to use protection and got pregnant, then I don't think you should kill the baby. But I wouldn't pass a law just to forbid you from doing that. It's up to you and your conscience.

Same for the issue with homosexuals. If a person decided to be gay, why would you want to interfere? Because your religion says so? Why would you want to shove your religion to me? If I created a religion that said gay lifestyle was the best, would you like it if I passed a law where everyone must be gay? If you don't like gays, then don't have gay friends, don't talk to gay people, just go and have your own heterosexual lives. The gays are very happy to be left alone.

So the 8TV public service announcement ads have caused an uproar among the people lately. Basically my only opinion about it is that they are being anti-choice. As one of the Malay commenters wrote in an article on an alternative news site, he said that why anybody should tell others what to do and what not to do since they are not Muslims in the first place. The whole point of puasa is to test your self-control. I do agree that we all should be considerate towards each other, but please just don't shove it in our faces and tell us what not to do, since we are not subjected to the rules.

On the whole, just be a sensible and logical person. Don't be a jerk.

Fly Me To The Moon

2011-07-26T14:57:00.002+08:00

I forgot to check on the Malaysia Airlines website for my next Chinese New Year trip. Usually I would start checking right after the Chinese New Year is over. This is to ensure that I could get cheaper tickets for a trip that I'm sure I would need. This year, I forgot all about it until my brother asked me whether I have bought the tickets or not.

So I checked on the MAS website to see what ridiculous price they were selling the tickets. One ticket was RM500+ and the other was RM400+. Still manageable. When I selected the flight time that I wanted, and clicked on the 'Continue' button, it loaded for a while before going back to the same page with an error message. Something about the fare I selected was not available.

What did they mean not available? It was clearly shown on the website. I tried a few times more before I gave up. That was probably a month ago. I remembered this unfinished business yesterday and tried checking the price again, expecting a more ridiculous number. Luckily, only a little bit more. But when I tried to confirm the booking, it gave me error message again. "The flight and fare combination you selected is not available".

That was a lie after I called to them to book my tickets instead of using their website. Blatant lie, like some politicians. So I bought my tickets through the phone and paid with the credit card. I asked them to send me the itinerary to my email, and everything was done.

I waited for the email but it never shows up. It wasn't there this morning, so I checked if they had charged to my credit card. They hadn't. I called them again, told them my problems, asked them to send me the itinerary again. The agent told me that they didn't have my email address, but I'm 100% sure I had given to the other agent yesterday.

As of now, I still haven't got my itinerary yet. And they still haven't charged my credit card yet. I'm gonna go to their office and see what's happening. They better not tell me that I need to pay more because they didn't manage to secure my tickets. I will throw a fit. Seriously. I am very defensive of my money nowadays.

Apple Is Friend, Not Fruit

2011-07-22T17:17:00.003+08:00

I always love to buy all the new gadgets. Portable music players, mobile phones, computers, I used to buy a lot of them, but that was before I got myself a car, and then a house. I would think about it more nowadays whether to buy or not to buy. Basically, the rule is quite simple, if I don't need it, then I probably won't buy it.

Everybody knows about Apple. Some people love it, some people don't. My first ever Apple product was the iPod nano, I think it was the 2nd generation, I'm not too sure. It was a gift. Based on the saying that once you used Apple, you'll never go back to PC (or any other products), I didn't quite get that feeling. Partly because I seldom used the iPod. I'm not a headphone person. Wearing a headphone walking around makes me feel insecure. What if someone was following me from behind and I didn't know? What if someone was trying to warn me of some danger but I couldn't hear? So yeah, you get the point.

The iPod nano failed to strike the spark of Apple in me. I continued with PC and other non-Apple products for another while, before I got my second Apple stuff, the Mac mini. That little square really amazed me. Before that, I was quite amazed by how small the Dell CPU were about 12 inches square. But the Mac mini was even smaller. About half of the Dell CPU. It was crazy. The Mac mini lets me experience the true Apple magic that people have been talking about.

Then I bought the iPod touch, which I should just probably buy an iPhone, but somehow I didn't. The multi-touch function really changed the human-machine interface of so many things. All the other mobile phone manufacturers started to jump on this. And since my Nokia was starting to show symptoms of old age, it was only natural to get the iPhone next.

Technology has been very useful to mankind, but I never get the "connecting people" bit, until only lately. My sister asked me to buy an iPad for her out of the blue. And so I did. On the day she got the iPad, which was delivered to her via the boyfriend, I called her using Facetime. The next day, she went to my Mom's house and called using Facetime again.

My father hasn't been to my new house because he doesn't like to travel that much. He's worried that someone would rob the house. My Mom has been so she asked me to show my father the house. And I touched on the switch camera button and walked around the house with my iPhone. Just then, I had a "wow, this is really great technology" moment.

And so, technology is good, and Apple is fine.

Definitely Not As Memorable As Black Swan

2011-03-28T18:45:00.000+08:00

I went to KLPAC to watch a show with my friend, called "The Last 5 Years". The show is no longer on, but you can read the synopsis at the KLPAC's website. The singing wasn't bad, but I wouldn't say top notch as well. The guy sang better though. He was more in control. But the girl had a memorable scene, when she was singing about her audition experience.

After the show, my friend and I tried to discuss about the show, and we came to the same conclusion: it didn't invoke any thoughts or feelings to us. Maybe the artistry was way beyond our comprehension, maybe we just didn't get it because we were not up to par yet. Maybe it was because the story itself was just very normal in this time of the world. Guy met and married girl, guy got lucky and soared to career peak, while girl struggled on. Guy was busy doing all sorts of things and girl felt like she was being abandoned. Relationship deteriorated, guy cheated with another girl. Everything broke down and finally divorce. Haven't you heard of this before? It's happening everyday, even to our friends.

So, the show didn't give us any feelings. I've watched a movie before which I felt exactly the same way, but I can't remember which movie anymore, that's how memorable it is. I'm afraid it will happen to the musical as well. My friend, trying to be funny, said that she was sorry for asking me to go see the show with her. Of course I wouldn't blame her, we just realized that we have to be more careful in believing the reviews written in the Star paper.

Cookies!

2011-03-24T10:09:00.000+08:00

Lifebook messaged me yesterday suddenly. That man had been MIA for quite a while now, it's impossible to meet him because he's just too busy. He asked to meet up, which was kind of a surprise. He said he needed to pass me things, cookies from Penang to be exact. I laughed. It seemed like he got direct order from "higher authority" which he couldn't refuse. So this is the cookies from Penang.

My favourite Ghee Hiang Beh Teh Saw! Thanks to "higher authority" Uuunnccccllllee Twilight. Thanks to Lifebook also for delivering the goods. It's so lover-ly!

Vacuum Cleaner Is Important

2011-03-22T08:32:00.000+08:00

First of all, here is a very good guide of where you should go on your next trip if you are looking for "the one" to "have fun". I present to you, the Penis Size Map. Go have a look and amuse yourself.

Pemberley is nice to stay in, I was struggling with cleaning the floor as I used the broom (which I don't like to use) and no matter how I swept, the dust just kept floating from this side to that side and that side to this side. It was frustrating. The latest "money that you have to spend when moving to a new place" item is the vacuum cleaner.

I actually wanted to buy it when I just moved in a few weeks back. The store manager said there was no stock at the shop and he had to order from their warehouse. Later he said there is a newer model and he would get that, but there was no stock as well. I waited until I couldn't anymore and I attempted to get it from somewhere else, but other places were out of stock as well. It must be a good vacuum cleaner that everywhere was out of stock. In the end, I finally got it last Sunday from the original store I went to and I immediately cleaned the house even though my body was tired like hell after BodyPump and it was already 7pm.

I still haven't got the sofa, dining table and chairs. So please forgive me if I'm not inviting people to come because I simply don't know what to do with you all. Right now there's only a carpet with lots of cushions on the floor, and a Mahjong table which I got it from my old place, left there by the previous tenant. I shall leave all those furniture decisions to le boyfriend. And since he's not here often, that means it'll take quite a while before those things will be decided, maybe in a time span of 1 year. I'm quite alright with what I have now, it's enough to get me through. Of course, things need to be upgraded slowly. Very slowly. Just let me clear my credit card debts first.

Auspicious Pemberley

2011-03-04T09:09:00.000+08:00

Pemberley is ready, for now, and I'm already staying in it. Since last Saturday was an auspicious day for me to move in, I did 3 moving in rituals.

The first one was my Mom's special grass (not sure what's the name of the grass) with rice water. The ritual was to dip the grass in the rice water and sprinkled it all around the house.

The second one was Carpe Diem's flower water with limau purut (kaffir lime). This one was a little bit tricky. First I had to sprinkle the water from inside of the house to the outside (the main entrance) while imagining yellow light. Then I had to do the same from outside of the house to the inside while imagining white light.

The last one was le boyfriend's Mom's ritual of mopping the floor with salt water. And then I hung up the red cloth with ribbon balls at the side, which I bought from Melaka.

I hope the place is truly cleansed and purified and will bring me tons of luck now.

Perfectly Imperfect

2011-03-01T09:37:00.000+08:00

I am not perfect, I know that.
But I do try very hard to be a better person,
I hope that you are seeing the efforts.
Everything that I had to endure, while you were not beside me,
I ground my teeth and soldiered on.

You are not perfect, you know that.
But I see the changes you made to better yourself,
I want you to know how much I appreciate that.
Every last moments of being together, while you were still around,
I was already yearning for the next one.

It's true, there are better people out there,
Good looking, toned physique, rich and caring.
But it's nothing if they are not as dedicated,
Not as loyal, not as funny, not as logical,
Not as principled, and not as loving, ever so subtly.

And so, my dear, fear not, for my heart will be with you.
The past 5 years had its best and worst moments,
But there will be a better best, and a worse worst,
It's all part of life and relationship.
And we will make it through, all thick and thin.

Happy date-unknown anniversary, my love.

It's A Good Day To Blog

2011-02-16T09:03:00.000+08:00

Pemberley is almost ready. Another vacuum cleaner and a dryer and I'm all set to move in. Although there won't be any sofa or dining table or chairs. No TV cabinet either. No matter. As long as I have the things I need to perform basic needs (not so basic actually), the other things can wait. There are still a lot of things to be bought but those will be done slowly, and I would know more when I start to stay there.

Chinese New Year was alright. It has been almost the same for the past few years. I went out with the same bunch of friends, to the same bunch of houses, and ate the same bunch of stuffs. We definitely don't go around houses like we used to, rushing from one place to another. Nowadays we just take it slow. Mostly because we're more easily tired and just too lazy to move around. Usually we just go to one or two places in a day, and the feeling is like when friends go to a coffee house. We chat and relax. I prefer it that way.

First BodyPump after a month long of absence from the gym brought back the pain I had after my first ever BodyPump in my life. The quad muscles were screaming with every step I took, and were wailing with every staircases I walked. It's payback time as the instructors would say. And I haven't dared to try for BodyAttack classes yet. Let me get back in shape just a bit more first.

This morning, when I tried to put the phone back on the table after stopping the alarm, I missed and it dropped right onto the floor. That definitely woke me up alright. So far nothing wrong with it, yet. I'm planning to use this new phone for at least 5 years. I managed 5 years plus with the last one, until it didn't ring sometimes when there was a call, and the same with SMS.

Now, it's time to get back to work. Work hard!

Flowers

2011-02-13T22:18:00.000+08:00

A surprise that greeted me when I reached home today. I smiled and my heart smiled. And all sorts of nice feelings came over me.

Thank you. I love you.

News From The East

2011-01-31T11:33:00.000+08:00

It is to be announced that I am well and happy at home, resting, wandering and doing nothing much, away from work, away from renovation stuffs, and away from the craziness that is KL. The only thing I feel like doing is to sing karaoke. It shall be done.

Gardening 101

2011-01-16T09:39:00.000+08:00

An overly attentive Gardener will cultivates spoilt and egoistic Flowers.

Explanation of Gardener and Flower: Here.

Facebook Facts

2011-01-14T08:15:00.000+08:00

Via: Online Schools

A Baby Is Born And A Car Is Crashed

2011-01-11T08:47:00.000+08:00

Today seems like a good day to write a post. My friend will be back in KL today after witnessing his wife delivered the baby. I was at home one day and I called to ask which washing machine to use, because they have 2, one for the usual clothes and one for my friend's dirty coveralls. My friend told me I called at impeccable timing because the wife, my friend as well, just delivered. I wish little baby to be healthy and happy forever. And I will be his favourite uncle.

On other more exciting news, I dozed off on a highway, while driving of course. Now is the time you go gasp!, or if you've done it before as well, then you would either say big deal... (roll eyes) or hey, it was fun!. This is what I remembered. I was driving on the road, still concentrating and looking at the road ahead. I didn't sleep very well the night before, what with the karaoke singing with friends until 3 am, and waking up at 9 am, and couldn't get back to sleep no longer. I actually reminded myself not to doze off, but as you all know, the mind and the body aren't really the best of friends.

So I still remember I was driving, with my eyes wide open. And then blank. Just like when you're watching a movie and the screen suddenly goes blank. Nothing. I can't remember a thing. I don't even recall myself slowly closing my eyes. It was just blank, in a snap. And the following happened when I was sleeping. I was originally on the middle lane, the car then slowly moved to the right side, towards the center divider. The car then brushed on the metal divider and made loud noises. Then I woke up, quickly realized the situation, got control of the wheels and moved back into the lane.

I continued driving, and my heart was pumping. I was trying to get a look of the car, see how bad it was, but I couldn't exactly see it, which could mean that the damage was minor, or hidden. I didn't call anybody, I just continue to drive. I was going to le boyfriend's place to collect the lights that we've bought for the new house. I tole his parents over dinner and they were a bit shocked, of course, and then recommended me to fix the car with a family friend. Aunty gave me some sweets to hopefully keep me awake for the journey back.

Slowly, the news got out and calls starting coming in. I was busy moving the lights from the car to my friends' place, which took me 5 rounds, and the last one was a box of 5-blade fan. I carried those myself, after I dozed off on a highway, crashed my car, and before that sang karaoke till 3 am, woke up at 9 am, went to BodyPump at 1 pm and had lunch at 3-ish pm. Well, I wish there was someone to follow me on the road, but there was none. No matter, it happens.

It was on the way home that I realized how lucky I was. Things could be worse, a lot worse. What if there were cars passing by when I swerved to the right, or if I crashed right across the road? I could've definitely died, and maybe killed others along the way. What if I swerved to the left and dropped into the valley? It's just as bad, but at least nobody else would get hurt except me. And my car. Poor Mr. Darcy. I've never treated him nice.

Again, thanks for the concerns from everyone and I will be more careful next time. The best way to solve this problem is to get a driver, I suppose. If not, then maybe free rides? Or someone to tag along? When that fails, I will have to drive myself, no choice. Le boyfriend's Mom commented this: "He dozed and grazed his car but everything is fine. It woke him up!"

Now that's funny.

Music And Musical, And A Baby!

2011-01-04T09:57:00.001+08:00

One of my best friends just delivered her baby yesterday, both parents and kid are fine and excited. It's a baby boy. Personally I think the baby looks absolutely like Russell from the Pixar animated film Up. It's uncanny. But if you want to limit to which parent he looks like, then I would say he got the looks from his mother. Congratulations to my friend and her husband, who is also my friend, for the arrival of their first baby. Hope that the child would grow up to be as charming and successful as the parents.

Le boyfriend was suggesting to catch the Michael Buble concert in March at Shah Alam. The tickets prices are rather expensive to be honest so I wouldn't be able to go if I had to pay myself. But I wouldn't mind a little bit of sponsor. Even though Michael is not my favourite singer, but I like his type of music. If we were going, I will need to start listening to his songs now, do some homework before going to the concert.

Then le boyfriend found out that Michael is doing another concert in Singapore in March as well. And on top of that, they are doing Lion King musical around the same time. Now I've heard so much of the Lion King musical, how grand, fabulous and fantastic it was. I just have to watch it! Again, I will need sponsor. Don't mind paying back later, cause I don't want to miss the chance.

Looks like March could be an interesting month this year.

And A Nervous New Year

2011-01-03T18:40:00.000+08:00

1st of January 2011 is now over. On the eve, I spent most of the time moving to my friend's place. They say new year, new things. I'm going to start with a new place. It's not my own place, but it's new for me. Was it a good start? I don't know. I only know that I am extremely very happy that I no longer need to switch trains to go to work or to the gym. And my friend commented that I am very easily satisfied.

The Pemberley renovation is actually quite according to plan, but I just can't help freaking out by little things. One of them is the condo management renovation form. I sent it in today, and well, everything is in order and the management boss approved my application, and the work can start tomorrow, after paying them a whopping deposit of RM2500. I guess with that amount of money, they could be lax during the application, but strict during final check, when you ask for the deposit refund.

I can't continue writing more because 1) I'm very hungry at the moment because I only managed to eat some biscuits for lunch and 2) I'm still thinking too much about the new place even though everything seems to be alright and 3) Work is still piling up and I tried my best to clear them as soon as possible.

Hope your new year is starting just the way you want it.

Aiming Higher

2010-12-29T09:34:00.000+08:00

Naturally, this is the time to set new resolutions for the coming new year, which is just less than 3 days away. 2010 had its ups and downs, a lot like a roller coaster ride. I hope that 2011 will be mostly good, or ordinary, as long as nothing really bad or seriously hurtful happens. Unlike for 2010 where I only have one resolution, I will try to aim higher for 2011, and hopefully I will be able to achieve them, with the help of some friends.

1. Stay healthy. In 2010, I've fallen sick almost every month, except for September, October and December, which is pathetic, really. That's why I started working out at home and later joined the gym. I'm just sick and tired of being ill so easily. I wouldn't say I want to be sick-free for 2011, because nobody can predict that, and even doctors fall sick. So maybe not more than 3 times? That's reasonable right?

2. Read 8 books. My only resolution this year is to read 5 books, which I've achieved. So next year, 8 books. This is actually a bigger challenge, not only due to the increase in number of books, but because I will have lesser time to read. Once I move to my new place, my commuting time will be lesser because I no longer need to switch trains along the way. Also, I will be going to the gym almost every weekdays. To read 8 books, I will really need to put in some extra effort.

3. Run, Leggie, run. Gym classes are fun. I will continue to attend classes as much as I can so that I will stay healthy, and of course look good. At the meantime, I'm really curious about getting out of the class and run in the real world. I've noticed that there are a lot of marathons out there to participate. But I can't just jump right in. I will need a teacher to guide me with the right techniques, so that I won't collapse and die suddenly. It's serious business. Anyone kind enough to show me how?

3 new resolutions for 2011. They should be manageable. Of course there is one more unspoken resolution, which is to stay committed in this long distance relationship with le boyfriend. I'm pretty sure that it will work out just fine.

Have A Gleeful Christmas

2010-12-25T01:09:00.000+08:00

On my 500th post, I would like to say this:

O holy night, it's cold outside, deck the halls just like last Christmas. Can you hear the jingle bells? Have you decorated the Christmas tree? It's the most wonderful day of the year, so remember to say 'Merry Christmas Darling', because we all need a little Christmas. God rest ye merry gentlemen.

Another Year Has Gone By

2010-12-20T10:48:00.000+08:00

Is it too early to look back at this year? Let's begin!

1. I've got a place of my own, the new Pemberley. This is probably the biggest achievement of my life. Although it also probably killed my luxurious lifestyle, makes me work overtime, and shortened my life for about 285 days dealing with lawyers, owner, tenant and contractors, I am absolutely very happy and glad that I will be having a place of my own. I can imagine that my life will be getting progressively better, starting with not having to deal with my housemate.

2. I've achieved my only resolution of reading 5 books this year. It's a pathetic resolution to begin with, but I probably haven't read this many books a year in the last 7 years. So, it's a big deal for me. And I know I need to read more. The fact that I will always fall asleep whenever I read more than about 5 pages is making it harder for me. But I will try my best to continue this reading habit in the coming year.

3. Le boyfriend and me are separated by the sea, yet again. And this time, for 5 years, at least. I had a meltdown of emotions thinking too much about that. But we talked and sorted things out. 1370km of distance, and the only reasonable means of transportation is by air. Seriously, it's enough to make anyone ask a few questions and have doubts. But I am a good lover, I am. And he is a good partner, my friends told me, and I knew that too. That's why I'm not letting go. The thought of having to start all over again (plus all the uncertainty of whether it will work out just as fine) is just too much to handle. I am mature enough to handle this challenge and I will be victorious.

4. I never thought I would be joining a gym. I have a boyfriend who likes to look at hot bodies but absolutely doesn't care how his boyfriend looks like as long as I can perform the duty of a boyfriend, and that's not limited to sexual duties only. Isn't it nice, to not have to care about how your body looks like? But I joined the gym anyway. And the only reason is I want to be hot. If I want to be healthy, there are other cheaper ways to achieve that. And you know what, I don't feel healthy at all, with all the tiredness and the muscle pain here and there, almost everyday. So yeah, I would only torture myself to be pretty, not to be healthy. But since my health would actually improve by exercising, I guess that's a bonus then. So why would I want to be hot if le boyfriend doesn't care? I want to be hot at least for once in my life, I figure. It's just me feeling good about myself and being vain.

So, those were the more important things that happened this year. Hopefully more good things next year, after I move into my new place. For example, someone offering me a high salary job to do something repetitive and boring. I would totally go for it. Till then, life goes on.

Exhausting Elf

2010-12-17T10:53:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was my first BodyAttack class, another virginity gone. My free PT/Master Jason and his boyfriend were there to help me along. I think I really like the class, there's lots of cardio - jumping and running. I like cardio. So it's kinda perfect for me. But the thing about BodyAttack is, it's probably not so good for your knees, because of all the high impact moves. Of course you can take away the impact and do the options, but I wouldn't be able to get the cardio level that I wanted then.

Another class down. Next on my list would be the RPM. Probably after the New Year holiday. Le boyfriend will be in town today and we'll be spending time together while we can. There will be no workouts from Wednesday onwards till the next Monday, across the Christmas holiday. There will be a lot of eating and drinking. It's about time I reward myself by eating and drinking a lot, right? I've worked hard enough. I think my Master would agree with me too.

Still lots of work in the office, still lots of things to buy for the new house, still can't sleep well every night. It's tiring, really. I actually look forward to going to the gym because exercise makes me feel better, with the endorphins and all. But I can't run away, so I just have to deal with them, one by one.

I need a miracle this Christmas.

Against All Odds

2010-12-14T11:33:00.002+08:00

I am totally overwhelmed by a lot of things. Work is piling up a lot, and it seems like everybody wants a piece of me, in a bad way. Old projects that just won't go away are the most tedious ones. You've forgotten most of the details and suddenly you need to spend time just to refresh your memories before you can work on some small details again. The time spent vs. output obtained is totally non-justifiable.

The house is giving me quite some problems. Some issue with the tenant, and then the coordination of the renovation. That's not even the money problem yet. It has come to a point where it has to be executed perfectly according to plan, or die. Everything that needs to be done is on the critical path, which means no screw ups. That itself is causing me quite an amount of pressure.

With the Christmas holiday coming, the house renovation, the work, all of those will affect my gym routine. Not to mention they will be launching a new class into the group exercise. That will most likely change up the current timetable which is actually perfect for me. I don't know how the new timetable will be, but I have a feeling it will not make me happy.

Le boyfriend will be back this weekend. That's really great, but we need to use most of the time to go hunt things for the new house. I imagine that it'll be a lot of rush, and I know he doesn't like to rush. So the thing now is the shopping plan will either go smoothly, or the both of us would end up quarreling. This is really a major test for me.

Seems like everything is at odds with me. I better toughen up real good for these two months. I'm sure I will be very happy when I move to my new place. It'll all be worth it.

A Good Man

2010-12-10T10:16:00.000+08:00

One of my friends has left KL to deliver her baby in our hometown. She will be there until way after Chinese New Year. I usually would have lunch together with her on Wednesday, to get over the hump day and change the routine of having lunch with my usual lunch mates. I will definitely miss her a lot, until she comes back to KL, with a baby by then. And did I tell you that we'll be staying at the same condo area? Yeah, she's on the other block just opposite mine.

My other good friend went back to the hometown as well, and managed to catch up with le boyfriend. When she came back to KL, we chatted on Facebook. She told me le boyfriend is a very good man, and that I have to make the relationship work no matter how difficult it is, even if I had to die for it. I was curious about what le boyfriend said that made her thought that way. My friend said le boyfriend was filled with excitement when he talked about our new house, just like a husband.

My friend told me that this is a kind of happiness (幸福) as well, not outright direct romantic, but little things that make your heart feels warm. I do agree with her. I know le boyfriend is a very good man, I know that all along. He might not be the perfect lover (nor am I), but he's definitely perfect for long term partnering. That's why I'm not letting him go, even when I was a bit depressed not long ago, when I simply had too much time on my hands to think about nonsense. Now I barely have enough time to rest, after joining the gym. So everything is a-okay now.

I am very committed to this relationship, that's one thing I know. Even with all the hot bodies and pretty faces in the gym, nothing will change my love and commitment.

Have a good weekend everyone! I'll be going up a hill with friends, can't wait!

There's No Point To This Post

2010-12-08T14:39:00.002+08:00

This morning, I received an SMS from an unknown number of +6285215114649 with the following message:

"Ini ayah Tolong bagi topped up 50RM ke nombor baru ayah 0128115902 ayah ada masalah d balai police.ta payah call sekejap ayah call balik."

Well, I can spot several serious problems with this SMS. First of all, that unknown number, where did it come from?! And secondly, I probably never, in my life thus far, spoke to my father in Malay before. And the obvious one, my father doesn't have a mobile phone.

There you go.

On other news, I like to wear slim fit working pants, it might not look all that good on me, but I still like it anyway. The only thing I don't like about a slim fit pants is that the pockets are basically useless. Unless your wallet is as thin as a piece of paper (or 5 pieces, still tolerable), and you have somewhere else to put your phone and keys and other stuffs, it is painfully inconvenient to use your slim fit pants pockets to store things.

I went to the gym yesterday for a BodyCombat class. Surprisingly, the amount of people who turned up on a public holiday was more than the amount of people on a Saturday. The Saturday class was at 1:15pm, while the holiday class was at 10am! And I was worried that I might be the only one in class, and instead of doing workout, me and the instructor ended up chatting. Or having a one-to-one training session, that would be fun.

Been A Busy Bee

2010-12-03T11:30:00.000+08:00

I was busy for the last two days. That's why there was no blog post. And I was really busy, not just normal busy. We went to my new place to take down the light and socket points and discussed some things with the tenant. That went way after 10 something, so when I reached home, it was close to midnight and I still needed to iron my shirt for work the next day. Of course I slept late that night.

Then yesterday I had my back-to-back classes again at the gym. This time I went for BodyPump first, then BodyCombat. It was definitely more manageable that way, because I need more strength in the Pump class. But yesterday's Combat class was not easy as well. Super squats, super lunges, plus more Capoeira. It was crazy. After the classes, I met up with friends for dinner at the Delicious in Bangsar Village II. The friend is working in Singapore now and she's back in KL to go for her diving trip in Borneo. So I had to meet her up as there won't be a lot of chances doing so. And that went all the way till 1am when I get to lie down on the bed, where I still had to iron my shirt for today before that.

Today, even though it's half day work, but I have appointment with another friend for dinner, so I'll stay on until dinner time to meet up with her. But hopefully will be able to get home earlier and not till midnight. Tomorrow I shall attempt another back-to-back of Pump and Combat. I have to get my strength up because right now I'm just weak. Need to train myself until at least I can carry the 5kg plates. Lots of Pump classes to attend.

Meanwhile, you guys have a great weekend ahead! See you next week.

Mr. Darcy's Pemberley

2010-11-30T11:04:00.000+08:00

Workload in the office is picking up drastically. I am now required to do overtime to finish the work. Overtime work affected my gym routine. If I am going to the gym on that day, I can only spare half an hour of overtime. Right now, I plan to go to gym on Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Saturdays and Sundays are depending on mood and friends basis. Not much buffer actually. Only solution might be going back to the office on Saturday and work a full 8 hours. It sucks but not much options there.

Not to mention there's major critical work coming up for Pemberley. The tenant will be moving out end of the year, so the renovation works will commence in January. Because of the Chinese New Year holiday, everything must be done before I go back to my hometown, which will be the last week of January.

For the renovation work to start in January, the tenant must move out on time and make sure everything is back to the original state, which I highly doubt that it's going to be that way. So that's one uncertainty to deal with. If the tenant didn't restore things back, then at least I can use his deposit money to do the necessary work. But now he said he wanted to delay the November rent till December. This is giving me bad vibes. Maybe I'm just not a good person, but in the end he tells me to offset the 2 months deposit with the 2 months rental, then I will have no more money to restore the house. It's not heading down a good path right now, and I have enough things to deal with already besides this.

There are a lot of things to be decided on. The paint colours, the designs for cabinets and wardrobe, the lights, extra socket points, the fans, the curtains, etc. I am not good with choosing designs so I will let le boyfriend to decide on what to buy. But he can't just come back any time he wants. He'll be back before Christmas so that time we'll have a lot of shopping and decisions to make. The painter can help to drill and install the lights, and anything that goes on to the walls. So we have to make sure most of the things are taken care of then.

First is the paint, second shall be the cabinets. The contractor would have to take measurements before that to make the cabinets and we will need to decide on the designs and materials. Then come January, after the paint work is done, the cabinets and shelves and wardrobe would come in. If nothing goes wrong, everything should be done pretty quick. Last one would be moving in. That is a feat by itself as well. I really don't like moving, but I'm very sure this time it'll be all worth it.

So, a big project of my own is coming up real soon. Hopefully I can pull it off with the help of my Project Manager, Carpe Diem. Do I need to find an auspicious date to move in?

Body-To-Body

2010-11-29T10:38:00.000+08:00

BodyCombat is not very difficult for me, the most taxing track would be the Muay Thai, it will make me gasping for breaths but it certainly wouldn't tire me out completely. I am liking BodyCombat except when it comes to the slow recovery tracks, but I guess those are necessary, they don't call it recovery tracks for nothing.

Since the BodyCombat is not giving me enough 'Uumph', and make me longing for more, I decided to do a BodyCombat and BodyPump back-to-back class yesterday. I did manage to complete both classes, but I definitely wasn't ready yet, physically. The Combat class came first, and the Pump class later. I didn't have enough strength during the Pump class, so my postures were wrong, especially for squats and lunges. I have to constantly remind myself next time to get the correct postures, just like how I did the same with Combat, to make sure my hands are in the guard position.

Everybody knows that a good posture goes a long way, and it prevents you from injuring your body, especially your back. Another thing I have to remind myself is to always engage my core to support my back. Sometimes I could feel that I strained my back too much, which is absolutely bad. Keep my back straight, engage the core. Don't want to have back problems in the future.

Anyway, I think I should stick to one class per session instead of two classes back-to-back. I shall think about it again when I have more strength because right now, my strength sucks big time. More pumping coming up!

Virginity Lost, Yet Again

2010-11-26T10:28:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I attended my second group exercise class at Menara Maxis, after the slow and painful recovery of my tortured muscles after my first BodyPump. It was really very painful and every step I took was like someone used a hammer and slammed it on my legs. Not fun at all, and commuting to and from work for those few days was absolutely a fearful thing to do when usually it feels nothing to me.

The muscles were healing nonetheless, so I was contemplating of trying out the BodyCombat, which I think will be my favourite class. Took me a while to find someone to go with me because most of the friends are not so much of a Combat fan. In the end, Janvier was kind-hearted enough to company me through my first class. And he had to come all the way from PJ to KLCC, quite troublesome I would say, so I really appreciate the gesture.

I wasn't as nervous as when I attended my first BodyPump because I sort of already know the basic moves of punch, cross, hook, uppercut and kicks. So the basic moves are there, the rest is just mixing up things and doing other steps like scissors, shuffles and side steps. Half way through the class, the instructor started throwing in squats and lunges, with Capoeira moves. And the last time I did squats and lunges, the result was what I wrote up there just now. Almost like a nightmare. But I still had to do it, and hopefully my legs are now stronger, so no more muscle pain for another few days. I still feel fine today, just tired legs, but not muscle pain. Good sign?

So, my experience with BodyCombat is this: I think it's not cardio enough for me. I hardly sweat, except for 1 or 2 tracks. On the other hand, Janvier is really a sweat machine. His little body is like this huge mysterious question mark, same as all those personalities he has in his mind. Anyway, not enough cardio. I thought there would be more jumping up and down, moving left and right, and more vigorous moves. I wonder if the instructor lowered the intensity because I was a first-timer. Talking about low intensity, I was appalled by some other members in the class. The way they workout, it was like they were already tired even though the class just started, and their punches definitely wouldn't hurt anyone, not even a baby. I felt like they were actually just doing for the sake of it, followed through the movements but not putting any effort or intensity. That obviously wouldn't burn much calories, if they thought it would.

Since the cardio was not intense enough for me, I pushed myself and did everything hardcore. Strong punches, high kicks, bouncing everywhere. I wonder if anyone thought I was crazy, or on drugs. At one point, the instructor started walking into the crowd and examined what we were doing. When he reached me, he held my body and told me not to bounce so much, be still. I was sort of thinking if I was getting enough cardio, then I wouldn't bounce around so much. But I guess he was trying to teach me the right technique, so I just followed.

On the whole, I definitely prefer BodyCombat to BodyPump, because I prefer cardio more. But I still have to do BodyPump so that it'll build my muscles. So it shall be 2 Combat classes and 2 Pump classes per week. Hopefully I am disciplined enough to do that. Next class I would like to try would be BodyAttack. Anyone wants to company me to my first Attack class?

I Am Benjamin Button

2010-11-24T08:00:00.002+08:00

I met up with my old friend whom I haven't seen for quite a while. We talked about what happened to ourselves recently. She could sense that I have something in my mind. I told her that I joined the gym. I told her that I went out for Karaoke quite often, one time was with her even. I told her that I had a small crisis with my relationship. I told her that I wanted more things and have more expectations.

She said my life is played out on the reverse, just like Benjamin Button. She said I started out mellow, not so interested in things, simple living, and having a relationship that's like a couple celebrating their 20th anniversary. But now, I want to look good, I want more entertainment, I want more romance, I want it fierce. As I become older, my demands are getting younger. She asked what has got into me? I don't really know myself.

Alex's motto recently is 'life is too short, do whatever you like'. I agree with that to some extent. Life is too short, don't waste it away just like that. Am I wasting my life away? I totally feel that way all the time. Especially with my job. But that's another thing. I want to experience some things before I'm too old to ask for it. I want more passion, but that doesn't mean I can't settle for old couple's lifestyle.

My friend asked me the question which I've been asking myself too many times. How can I ask other people to do it when I am not doing it myself? Logically, and as told by Confucius, you shouldn't. If you're not capable yourself, don't demand others to do it. Can a person have expectations? Yes you can, but your expectations might not be fulfilled, so maybe you come to a compromise. But that's still considered expectations, right?

Anyway, with all these things that's going on, there's only one conclusion: long distance relationship is bad for your health. Avoid at all cost, unless you don't have money and there is no other way to have it otherwise. If you're still young, just find another boyfriend. If you're old like me, then you just have to work it out, life is unfair and that's true.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies - Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith

2010-11-23T11:17:00.000+08:00

I have done it. I have achieved it. Even though it's probably nothing compared to people like le boyfriend, but I've set a goal for myself, and now I've reached the goal. The last book that I just finished marked the 5th one for this year, and therefore I've achieved my resolution of reading 5 books this year. And the last book is rather fun actually.

The thing about reading this book is that, you'll get the funny part more only if you have read the original Jane Austen version of 'Pride and Prejudice'. Yeah, the original version is without the 'and Zombies' part, the zombies part is the work of Seth Grahame-Smith. He basically changed here and there to incorporate the zombies storyline into the whole book. He retained most of the original work, same words, same lines, same story.

The zombies storyline doesn't affect the overall original story by Jane Austen. The main characters are still the same, and they went through the same incidents. Except for 2 characters maybe, their fate in the new book is different from the original one. Quite unexpected, but if you think really hard, you might be able to guess which 2 characters are those. Not going to spoil it here though.

I really like Pride and Prejudice. I'm not sure why, but I do like the language that they used back then, very elegant and gentleman-like. I probably would have jelly-legs moment if someone speaks to me like that, and swoon like crazy. Other than that, I like the storyline, very dramatic but still it's a happy ending. Right now, I have the original 'Pride and Prejudice', I have 'Pride and Prejudice and Zombies' courtesy of le boyfriend, I have the graphic novel of 'Pride and Prejudice and Zombies' from Alex and Jason, I have the 'Pride and Prejudice' DVD (the one with Keira Knightley) and I have the 'Pride and Prejudice' BBC miniseries (the one with Colin Firth), a Christmas present from le boyfriend's sister-in-law. I know, I'm a Pride and Prejudice freak. The next thing to do is probably to memorize the lines from the movie. If they ever make a 'Pride and Prejudice and Zombies' movie, I probably would get that too!

On the whole, I enjoyed my read. I managed to finished the book in less than one month, but maybe because I already knew the storyline. I still read every single word though, cause I really like the language. Try it, but do read the original version first, or at least go to Wikipedia and read the summary plot there, to get an idea of what the original story is.

Don't take it as a book that'll inspire you or give you knowledge, because it's not, it's meant to be for fun. So, if you're interested, grab a copy, and enjoy!

P/S: Have you seen what the new Google can do? It's amazing. Google has outdone themselves.

No Longer A Virgin

2010-11-22T09:30:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was just another day for many people. It was another day for me, except for 2 hours, where I started a new milestone in the course of my life. It was exhilarating, it was liberating, it was awesome. But it is painful today, every step I take, I can feel it. Still, it is worth it, if it doesn't kill me first. So yesterday, I went to my first ever BodyPump class.

Actually it was my first trip to the gym as well after I joined the club 2 weeks back. The thing is, after I registered myself, I got stricken by the unmentionables. I thought it was definitely bad omen, I hadn't fallen ill for 2 months working out at home and immediately gotten sick after I joined the gym. If that wasn't bad omen, I don't know what else is. And so I didn't manage to go to the gym at all while I was recovering.

I've always wanted to try out the classes. I've heard about them and feel intrigued. So Junior was supposed to team teach the BodyPump class yesterday but he ended up didn't have to. I was so ready to bring my supportive banners to cheer for him but of course I didn't get to. Maybe next time. Might as well, because I really needed some help with my first class there.

Junior gave some briefings before the class started. Even then, I was quite perplexed at first with some of the things the instructor said, especially this: 2-2, 3-1, 1-3. A bunch of numbers. I figured it out in a while, it was the timing and pace of the move we were doing. I am so clever. I think Bunny was trying to explain that to me before class but I totally didn't get it then.

We were testing the weight that I was comfortable with. Well, there's nothing to be proud of, but nothing to be ashamed of either, other people were mostly using weights heavier than mine I'm sure, but I'm just happy that I managed to finish the class with my 2.5kg plates on each side, as initially I thought I could only use 1kg instead. Cardio I can handle better, but I rarely did any strength training, so I know my limits.

I felt that I was a bit clumsy when doing the moves, but I guess this is quite normal for first-timers. The BodyPump class basically works on all kinds of muscle available on your body. The lunges were definitely the killer for me. My legs were shaking as I tried to follow the pace and pushed myself through the track. That's why my glutes and upper leg muscles are aching right now as I type. I hope this will not take a long time to recover as I want to try out other classes as well, particularly Combat.

On the whole, I probably wouldn't say BodyPump is my favourite class, but I will still need to do it because I need to tone my muscles. It's going to be difficult and a drag to attend the Pump classes because it's not something I want to do, but something I have to do. Hopefully it'll help if I do it with a friend. Thanks to Junior for helping me out with my first class. I'm still very curious about him teaching, though. I shall have the chance, I'm sure. Wish me luck on my new milestone of becoming healthier, and of course, hotter! @ 30!

P/S: I am in so much PAIN right now! Gods of Muscles, I pray for mercy from thee!

Today Is A Gift

2010-11-19T09:01:00.000+08:00

I have this problem of not living in the now. Most of the time, I'm thinking about the future, what would happen then. I know it's all useless because nobody can predict the future. You can plan all you want, but sometimes things just don't go according to the plan. I knew all these, but I just can't help it.

The one thought that's cropping up in my head lately, is what would a gay man be like when he grows old. Unfortunate to say, the gay community is all about staying youthful and crafting the best body ever. Whatever happens to old gay people? I don't know of any gay man who is 60 and above. I would love to know their thoughts on growing old as gay men.

How does a well-built body help you when you're old? Flawless skin? Chiseled face? At least from all the working out, you most probably would get health which is about the only thing that's going to help you when you're old. What else do I need to do to prepare myself to have a decent life when I'm old? Will money help? Will kids help? Will old folks home help?

You see, I think too much. I have to focus more on the now, the present moment. First things first, I need to get over this stupid flu and sore throat. Enjoy your weekend, people. Don't get sick, drink lots of water.

Stricken By Unmentionables

2010-11-18T08:16:00.000+08:00

I was stricken with illnesses again for the past few days. Flu, fever, sore throat, the usual stuffs. It seems that I only managed to stay out of sickness for 2 months up till now, for this year. It's very disheartening since I've already tried to make myself healthier by working out and eating as properly as I could. But I guess I cannot rush things up, especially when it comes to body and health.

I was at the Pavilion Times bookstore yesterday and the fortune/fengshui books for the 12 animals are already out. Generally, my luck is only average, if not bad, and definitely not so good with my health. Gosh, another year of falling sick every month, God help me please. But love/relationship seems to be good, with my animal sign and le boyfriend's animal sign. It says that we should take things to a new level, which would be marriage, of course. And the best month to do it would be March or December. Interesting.

I am finishing my Pride and Prejudice and Zombies soon. And so, I am definite that I can achieve my resolution of reading 5 books this year. It's an achievement even though the number of books is pathetic. I shall set my goal at maybe 8 books next year. Any recommendations?

Another Discussion: Part IV

2010-11-12T07:00:00.005+08:00

"This is a challenge for the both of us, in this lifetime, that we have to face and come to terms with."

I ended the lengthy conversation with my Mom with that. She didn't reply to that, but she definitely had some thoughts about it. Whether she took it in my favour or not, that I wouldn't know. I actually wanted to continue the discussion further since my father was not back home yet and she was in a good mind and mood to talk about these things.

My Mom is still very cautious about my movements; where I go, who I hang out with, what I do. She especially is interested in my new friends. I didn't like it at first, I thought she was poking around too much. I shut her out and wouldn't reveal any information to her. It was not long that I realized she was just worried. Any good parents would do exactly the same thing.

Imagine this: you are hanging with a bunch of new friends whom your parents never knew and met. Of course they would want to know more about who they are, right? They do it because they care about your safety and they want to watch your back, make sure that you wouldn't be cheated. They might have any other ulterior motives but the bottom line is, they worry about you. My Mom had met with some of my friends and talked to them before, briefly though. Le boyfriend is the only person whom she got to know better, and it's a relief that both my parents have high opinions of him, as of now.

There are things that I would like to tell my Mom if possible, but right now, her great wall is still high and mighty, so it might not be wise to try cracking it down. The crumbling stones probably will kill the both of us in the process. Nevertheless, I wish that she would not be so easily taken down by other people's words. People can say about any damn thing if they want to. There's no way you can entertain every single one of them. But I know very well that it is not in her nature to fight back or take a no-comment stand and couldn't be bothered about it. In fact, she will be very much bothered by it.

Which leads to the question why. Because she doesn't believe in it, she doesn't believe in me, and homosexuality. When you don't believe, it's difficult to convince other people you couldn't be bothered. Imagine people telling her that her son is gay, and she replied, "I know, and I'm absolutely fine with that, and I still love him the same." That would be so swell, but I can't for the life of me imagine her saying that. A character change is hardly going to happen as you get older. But then, she managed to learn to use mobile phone and the computer, which really impressed me.

So, there's still hope? Have a great weekend, fellow bloggers and readers.

Another Discussion: Part III

2010-11-11T07:00:00.001+08:00

One of the things that has never changed in this whole "my son is gay" incident is that my Mom is very firm on her view about me having a relationship with another man, which is a definite no-no for her. Even the slightest hint that I might have a romance with another man and in fact there is actually nothing going on, will not be approved by her. It's a surprise that she still hasn't figured out that le boyfriend and me are a couple. I think she asked before, and I said no.

It is quite a simple fact that why my Mom accepted that I'm gay but would not let me have a homosexual relationship. And that simple fact is just one word: reputation. Her reputation to be exact, or the whole family's. This is how it works. I subject myself to abomination by finding a successful, amiable man, who in every way is respected by people if only he was not gay. Things would be so much more agreeable if one of us was the opposite sex. But because we are both of the same male sex, it shall not be tolerable and people would start to gossip and talk bad things behind your back.

Thus, every other successes that my Mom has achieved are then thrown out of the window because having a homosexual son who has a good partner (even so) means she has failed in her entire life, and should be shamed to death. And you'd think they'll let you off the hook after you're six feet under the ground. It's amazing how people remember only the bad things in your life as if those were the only legacy you left behind, omitting all the good things you contributed, no matter how large the ratio of good to bad might be.

My Mom clenches on to her reputation as tight as the dead man's grip. She expressed her regrets of being ridiculed by other people whenever I tried to sell her the idea of having a relationship with another man. It is a great wall that she built where I absolutely have no idea as to how I could enter or break it down yet. Maybe I will never be able to, but I will try again in the future, and hope that her opinion will change, no matter how little that might be.

Another Discussion: Part II

2010-11-10T07:00:00.000+08:00

The possibility of discussing homosexuality with my Mom is only available about one year ago because before that, she would sob or cry whenever she got too upset. Very dramatic indeed, but I can assure you that you don't ever want to see your parents cry because it is a grave sin and excruciating heartache to cause them pain, unless you're a heartless person, of course.

She suggested that I should find a girl who's not into sex or marriage, and is willing to stay with me until we turn old and die. She said that at least I would have some company. I suggested that maybe I could do the same thing with another guy. She didn't like it that much. The thought of me staying with another man just freaks her out. Well, my housemate, a girl, is probably a possible candidate, but I would soon throw myself from the roof of a tall building than to stay any longer with her, God forbid.

We even discussed about sex, something that I never would've thought. It was actually more of "I hope you're not doing that" rather than trying to understand though. She asked if gay men really have anal sex. I said yes. She was very fast to point out that anal sex is unnatural. I told her that anal sex is not exclusively for gay men only, heterosexual couples do it as well. And furthermore, oral sex is considered unnatural as well, but most couples are doing it nowadays, gay or straight. She knew that, but in the course of convincing her son not to engage in the act of anal sex, or any sex with men for that matter, she was ready to shame me into giving it up.

Now, I am not a stupid man, I already know how to handle basic anti-homosexual questions since before I came out. It is sort of like basic self-defense skills that every gay men should learn. Between my Mom and me, I've been "in this business" far longer than she ever would've guessed, and her disdain towards homosexuality prevented her from really understanding the issue and thus fails to come forth as a worthy debater. Her arguments were easily put to rest with just the simplest facts.

Another Discussion: Part I

2010-11-09T07:00:00.002+08:00

The subject of homosexuality had been brought up again by my Mom one morning when I was back home, playing with Frontierville. My father had gone out, so it was just the two of us. The conversation started with my new property, then it ventured into how I should earn more money, and somehow it ended on homosexuality, because having a big house by myself means I must invite other males to come and stay. Okay, she didn't say that, it's me.

For your information, I came out to my family about 4 years ago (I didn't realize it had been this long, it feels like it just happened last year), and it wasn't a pretty situation. Hopes crushed, trust dissolved, betrayal abundant, reputation kaput. Tears, pleads, denials, partial acceptance, all very dramatic. My Mom acknowledges that I'm gay but she will not in her life agree with me having a relationship with another man, it's total abomination to her.

The conversation throughout was actually very calm and peaceful, there was no yelling or angry replies. All done very civilly and factually. If there's one thing I learnt from coming out and all the post homosexuality talks, be firm and don't give any other options is the way to go. She was fishing for any possibility that I would get married with a girl someday, up to a point where she asked whether I would accept a very butch girl. But no, I didn't budge and I just told her it is not possible if the other person is a girl, any kind of girl.

She also asked how I turned gay. I simply told her I'm born this way, it's nobody's fault. She tried to put the blame on herself by stating that maybe she spoiled me when I was young. No, said I, with no explanation. Sometimes, just a no is sufficient to convey the message. Then she realized that I have 2 older cousins who are not married as well, and they're both from my father's side. Coincidence? I don't know.

Gods Of The Muscles

2010-11-04T10:03:00.002+08:00

Well, enough of emo poetry, cause there's only so much I could take as well. I will always have emo feelings, but I can't be having it everyday, it makes me sick of myself. So, no emo poetry today.

But yesterday's post has a hidden message, did you see? Paul saw it, totally brill, but sorry pal, I didn't prepare any prize. Maybe I can offer my gift wrapping service? Honourary mention of Janvier's hidden-message poem reply, it was genius! And you crack me up, as always. And we need to have a drink soon, you evil bartender!

Will be flying towards le boyfriend tonight. Hopefully we can spend some time together. His mom is there too, but I didn't know when I impulsively decided and bought the tickets. It is but a pure coincident. Probably no time and privacy to have sex then.

I think my tummy is a little tiny bit thinner now, after I hit the plateau. Still a long way before I see any packs (god of 6 packs not answering my prayers, yet), but I noticed something else is vanishing fast as well, my chest! Well, not that there's any muscle to begin with because I bet it was all fat before this. There's more firmness now, but I need to get them pecs back again! Arrrh! Shall I pray to the god of perky pecs? Might as well pray to the god of bulging biceps and god of glorious glutes while I'm at it.

Expectations

2010-11-03T07:00:00.008+08:00

I once asked his expectations of me
"No expectations," he replied
Expecting something else from him
"Even with all my flaws?" I asked
"Don't change anything," he said

All I ever needed was
To find someone who loves me
Till the sun burnt out, and
Entire ocean disappeared
Now that I've found the one
Time and again my heart yearns
I'm hoping for something more
Only you can satisfy me
Now that we're hundred miles apart
Speak now, or forever hold your peace

***********************************************

Can you see, the hidden message?

My Love

2010-11-02T07:00:00.000+08:00

My love
I miss your touch
I miss your presence
The nearness that lets me
Realize that I am not alone

Five years
Is it not daunting?
Is it not fearful?
That the fondness fades
Or someone else creeps into the heart

The distance
It spans across the ocean
It spans across our hearts
Many embraced the treacherous path
Only few managed to keep their heads afloat

My love
I will be brave
I will be strong
The demons are calling
Can we... survive?

Young Man

2010-11-01T07:00:00.002+08:00

From a baby, to a small kid
You were being pampered
And loved by all around you
Cute and handsome as you were
You became the center of the universe

As time went by, you started to realize
In the world of love
You yearned for the uncommon path
Nobody told you what to do
And you kept it to yourself
Hoping that one day you would
Get what your heart desired

Blessed with a handsome feature
You charmed your way into peoples' hearts
You loved, you got hurt, and you hurt some
You learnt the vanity others perceived
To sustain your own existence

Pretty faces, flawless skin
Ripped body and a perfect smile
You showed the best in front of the crowd
But who knows the loneliness inside
When all the things you did
Makes your heart empty, as never before

Young man, as one day you shall learn
That your mind and your heart
Are your most treasured features
To bring someone closer to your heart
And fill it with joy and happiness
Until the end of time

To Family Or Not To Family

2010-10-29T08:54:00.001+08:00

I was talking to a friend about relationship stuffs yesterday, and we came upon this topic, which basically there is no right or wrong, just personal preferences, I guess. It is the kind of thing that it's happening this way now, but you're hoping for the other way round, and when it does, then you kinda want it back the way it was again. Humans are never satisfied, and that's pretty true.

You see, le boyfriend's parents are both staying in the same town as me now. And being a good son that he is, he would try to bring them along (usually more often with the mom) when we're meeting up. And you know, him working far far away means nobody gets to see him often, neither me nor his parents. So when he's back here, everybody wants a piece of him, literally. I'm sure you know how this is.

And who am I to deny a mother's wish to spend more time with her son, and a filial son's hope to make his mother happy? Boyfriend or not, family is important. Although sometimes I would hope that we could spend more time together, just the two of us, being the sensible (懂事) person that I am, I reason with myself before demanding others to submit. I couldn't justify myself to ask him to spend more time with just me. At least I still get to spend time with him, and with the family, even though I truly have no idea what they think about me following their son everywhere they go.

My friend is dealing with this same issue, but on the opposite side of the fence. His boyfriend would spend time with him, just the two of them, and the boyfriend would spend time with the family, excluding him. Basically, boyfriend and family have separate time slots. While I am hoping to spend quality time with le boyfriend, my friend is hoping to get to spend time with his boyfriend and the family. His justification being at least he could have more together time or 'face time' if you will, with the boyfriend, and get to know the family better. Of course, having the boyfriend all by yourself means you can do more intimate things like hugging, cuddling, telling him you love him, holding his hand, kissing, playing footsie, feeding him food, and everyone's favourite, having sex.

That's why, it's a preference. There's no right or wrong way to do it. What is your stand on this issue? Exclusive boyfriend with lesser 'face time', more intimacy, or shared boyfriend with more 'face time', lesser intimacy? Have a great weekend everyone! And happy Halloween!

Life Of Pi - Yann Martel

2010-10-28T09:55:00.000+08:00

After I finished my 3rd book of the year, I asked people to recommend me some interesting books to read. A fellow blogger and an anonymous commenter both chose the same book, so it must be quite an interesting read then. And so I went to Kinokuniya and grabbed a copy of it, under the 'Young Adult' section, this book called "Life of Pi" by Yann Martel.

The story is about a teenage Indian boy who was very into religions (not one, but three religions, at the same time) and grew up at the zoo which his father operated. The father decided to migrate to Canada, packed up the whole family with some animals and off they went in a ship. The ship sank, leaving the Indian boy with some animals on board a lifeboat. As time went by, the only survivors left were the boy and a Royal Bengal Tiger, named Richard Parker. The boy, named Pi (short for Piscine) survived the ordeal at sea with Richard Parker for 227 days. The book detailed the things he did and encountered while he was drifting on the Pacific Ocean, with a full grown tiger on tow.

The book is definitely an enjoyable read, the stories are compelling and new to me, as normally I wouldn't go about reading a book regarding how to survive on a lifeboat at sea. Basically, you'll eat everything, and that's not exclusive to living things only. And you also get to know behaviours of animals, especially that of a tiger, and how the circus people tame them. If I was in Pi's shoes, I probably would've given up long time ago. That or be eaten by the tiger already.

Actually the book is quite an easy read, I'm sure le boyfriend could finish it within half a day, one day at the most. But I can't do speed reading, I have to read word by word slowly, or else I would not know what happened. As Uncle Twilight said, I read with my snail eyes. Maybe I'll get better at it and learn how to speed read in the future. And hopefully it'll improve my English and also increase my pathetic vocab ability.

So there you go, my 4th book of the year. Next up, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies! Brains.... Yum....

Happy Hump Day

2010-10-27T09:46:00.000+08:00

There is pain on my shoulder-neck area if I turned my head to the left. Must've slept with the wrong position last night. I'm still having dreams every night, the same non-threatening dreams. And when I wake up, it felt like I've never rested. But that might also due to the late nights everyday since last Friday, and I foresee it to go on until at least this coming Saturday or Sunday.

Work has slowed down a bit, but will pick up again quite soon, I'm sure. I'm just enjoying the free time as much as possible now. The boss has not been in the office for this week, he didn't inform anyone that he would be on leave, but that's okay with me. My housemate's colleague friends, whom I knew as well, commented that I've slimmed down whenever they first saw me. I guess that's a good indication that I'm on track with my Hot @ 30 plan.

Le boyfriend's birthday was celebrated at tiny scale. I can't remember how he used to celebrate it, but for my family, we usually don't, no cakes, no presents, I doubt my parents even can remember my birthday, but that might be because they're getting older now. We had dinner at an Italian restaurant called Sassorosso, somewhere near the famous Market Place, along Jalan Yap Kwan Seng. I bought him a cheaper gift, compared to those I gave him for previous birthdays, because I already got him a Christmas gift, which cost me quite a lot of money. So, just to balance things out or else I'll go broke real soon.

I'm almost finished with my 4th book of the year now. I'm left with 2 months to finish the last one to reach my resolution of reading 5 books a year. I've developed the habit of reading book while commuting nowadays, at least it gives me the feeling that time is not wasted doing nothing. The next book would be Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I hope I can finish it in 2 months, or else I would've failed my one and only resolution for the year.

Just some boring news about myself. Happy hump day, everyone!

Deadly Thought

2010-10-26T08:47:00.002+08:00

I had a thought. I had this thought since I started having a relationship. I am not sure if anyone else ever thought about this, but I have. I never talked to anybody else so I don't know if everyone else actually thought about this as well. And right about now, you're probably very curious as to what this thought is, or think that it is something not important because of the way I'm laying it out, like how a dramatic person would.

So, the million dollar question: how would you ever know if something happened to your boyfriend/partner? Basically, that something here means death. This is probably not so evident among local couples, but it proves to be problematic when you're in a long distance relationship and you are not close to any of his friends or relatives.

Imagine one person in KL and the other in Penang. You've never met his friends and he has never met yours. You don't know each others' families either. You didn't tell anyone you know because maybe you're closeted or discreet. You don't know where his old house is and maybe he's renting a place somewhere else. If he suddenly died, how are you going to find out?

Of course you might eventually find out, but it probably would be too late. If it's someone across the globe, then you probably are never gonna know. You would be just curious as to why you are not able to contact him anymore at first, then be dead worried about him after a while, and eventually just give up on him, not knowing that he just couldn't talk to you anymore, even if he wanted to so much.

But I guess nowadays, with social websites like Facebook, things might be easier to spread and be known. Unless you really have no real friends, people can always find out from your friends what happened to you. It's just that, even if you found out, what could you do? The most is to claim to be his friend and stand at the side watching, but actually you're the one who loves him the most among all the people present.

It is heart wrenching, either not knowing what happened, or knowing what happened but you can't express yourself. Being gay, there's heartache lurking at every corner of your life. Who says homosexuality is a choice? We are not that stupid.

Taylor Swift: You're Not Sorry

2010-10-25T13:05:00.000+08:00

This is my attempt to take an English song and switch the lyrics to Chinese. I think I've done one Rihanna song very long time ago, but it wasn't so good. And I thought this one is not so good as well. Clearly I'm not cut out for this, haha! But since I've done it, might as well just put it up and let everyone have a laugh at it, or maybe give me some critique. As usual, there's a translation for those who need it, and I must say, the translation is even worse than the Chinese lyrics that I've written, but I'm just too lazy to do anything about it. Please bear with me.

I had a strange feeling when I did the translation, since the song is in English to begin with. It felt wrong. But anyway, hope you enjoy the original song, my favourite recently.

坐在你面前看着你的眼眸听你说
握着我的手，眼神在游走
始终没有看着我

是你存心要让我独自徘徊在街头
让那情绪越来越赤裸
要承受那折磨

你不要再说，以后
你会不知所措
我给的承诺
不应该让你困惑

你可以重复说你爱我
你不知道我已看透
我不再懦弱
你不爱我，no

你给的温柔其实是一个丑陋的恶魔
和我不断地搏斗
强迫要我背上爱情的枷锁

而我却因此被冷落但你若无其事地解剖
现在的我已经解脱
不再让岁月蹉跎

你不要再说，以后
你会不知所措
我给的承诺
不应该让你困惑

你可以重复说你爱我
你不知道我已看透
我不再懦弱
不要骗我，no
你不爱我，no

现在你一再苦苦哀求但我已经不想再逗留，no
我情愿一个人也不愿继续堕落

Oh,你不要再说，以后
你会不知所措
我给的承诺
并不是随口说说

你可以重复说你爱我
你不知道我已看透
我不再懦弱
不要骗我，no
你不爱我，no

Sitting in front of you
Looking in your eyes and listening to what you say
You didn't look at me not once

You purposely left me wandering on the streets alone
And the emotions are left more and more naked
To fight against the torture

You don't have to say
That you would be out of place
The promises I made
Shouldn't leave you confused

You can keep on saying that you love me
But you didn't realize I've seen it through
I'm no longer weak
You don't love me, no

The love you gave was an ugly monster
That kept fighting with me
Forcing me to be tied up with this love

But then I was left alone and you just kept on slaughtering me
And now I'm finally free
Won't waste my time anymore

You don't have to say
That you would be out of place
The promises I made
Shouldn't leave you confused

You can keep on saying that you love me
But you didn't realize I've seen it through
I'm no longer weak
Don't lie to me, no
You don't love me, no

Now you're begging me but I won't stay anymore, no
I would rather be alone than continue to fall

Oh, you don't have to say
That you would be out of place
The promises I made
Was not just something random

You can keep on saying that you love me
But you didn't realize I've seen it through
I'm no longer weak
Don't lie to me, no
You don't love me, no

Friday News Flash

2010-10-22T11:07:00.000+08:00

Initially, that fable post yesterday was supposed to be a one-post story only. But since some of you were so supportive of it, I guess I'll try my best to continue the story for maybe one more post. Not sure if I could manage more than that, so we'll just stick to one more at the moment.

Le boyfriend is finally back from his vacation, which I didn't follow because there's hardly any leaves left for me, and Christmas is not even here yet. It's good to see him again, being his jolly own self. Gonna spend some time with him during the weekend.

Went to see my new place yesterday with le boyfriend and Carpe Diem tagging along. Have to start planning on things to do and how much money involve. Gonna start with minimum bare necessities, then slowly accumulate more. Thanks to le boyfriend for helping out with the financial part of the plan, which is basically the most important part, because I simply don't have any much money left after purchasing the house itself. For that, I am really grateful to him.

Have a pleasant weekend everyone! See y'all again on Monday.

Fables

2010-10-21T07:00:00.002+08:00

The prince slowly walked up the stairs that led to the only room in the tallest tower. He paused a while at the door to adjust his attire before he turned the knob and entered the room. He saw a shadow sitting at the edge of a four-post bed, facing him.

"Finally! I was just thinking to myself: there goes another one, another prince being killed by the merciless dragon. At this rate, all the princes in the world would be dead very soon, and I'll be trapped here forever," the shadow said.

The prince was startled, he thought he heard a man's voice. The shadow approached him and the light revealed a fair skinned, good looking young man standing in front of him. His eyes opened wide, in shock, and stared at the young man. The young man noticed and said, "What? Is there something wrong with me?"

"You're... you're a man," the prince replied. The young man stood still with arms akimbo, and grumbled, "I'm sorry to disappoint you, prince charming, but you know, I wish I wasn't here as well. I can't help it if the dragon wanted to kidnap me and lock me up in a tower, especially a female dragon, you know what I'm sayin'? Now, don't just stand there, help me pack my things, will ya?" the young man walked back to the bed and dragged out a suitcase from under it.

The prince didn't move an inch, his mind was too confused to do anything. He scratched his head and tried to figure out what went wrong.

"Oh, before I forget," the young man suddenly recalled. He walked to the only cabinet in the room and took something out of it. He then handed the thing over to the prince, and said, "Here, a token of appreciation," before going back to packing his stuffs. The prince examined the thing he just got in his hand and asked, "Emmm... Isn't this... a dildo?"

"Mmm hmmm," the young man replied. The prince waited for an explanation but it didn't happen. And so he asked, "Why would you give me a dildo?"

The young man rolled his eyes, then explained, "Well, let me see. First of all, it gave me pleasures during all those lonely nights, God only knows it did. Secondly, it's the only special thing that I have here. And thirdly, would you prefer something else, like, oh I don't know, my underwear? Or my semen? I'm not on vacation here you know, there's no shop selling souvenirs."

The prince held the dildo in his hand, undecided whether he should continue to hold it, or put it on the floor, considering where the dildo had been to during those lonely nights. The young man packed his last thing and closed the suitcase. He took the suitcase and walked over to the prince, then he said, "All set. Now you have to kiss me."

The prince looked at him and chuckled, "What?! You're kidding me right?" The young man stood there with a straight face, and said, "No I'm not. You have to kiss me, it's protocol. Don't you ever read? You have to kiss me to break the spell!"

The prince got a little bit worried after hearing that. He paused for a while before he asked, "You're not going to turn into an ogre like that Princess Fiona in that Shrek movie, right?" The young man pulled a Garfield face and said to himself, "Of all the princes in the world, this is what I get, a retard. Typical."

"Hey, I heard that," the prince protested. "Yeah, I know," said the young man, "Anyway, just follow my lead, we're leaving this horrendous place immediately." He headed towards the only door with his suitcase in hand.

The prince kept up behind. He still couldn't figure out the whole situation at hand. "Hey, what's that spell that you're trying to break anyway?" he asked. The young man answered while continuing down the stairs, "That is a good question. You know, I'm actually a girl. A witch turned me into a boy. So if you kiss me, I'll turn into a pretty princess, and we'll get married and live happily ever after."

"Really?!" the prince's eyes sparkled suddenly. The young man facepalm-ed, shook his head and continue walking. "Pretty princess... Like Cinderella? Or Belle? Or Snow White? I can't decide who is prettier," the prince said, suddenly realizing that the young man was almost out of sight. "Hey! Wait up! I need to give you that kiss to break the spell! Wait for me!..."

The End

Oh, I Just Can't Wait To Move In

2010-10-20T08:34:00.001+08:00

The bank lawyer has finally got his act together and managed to get the remaining money to be paid to the house owner. This is after they sheepishly sent a letter to the owner's lawyer telling him to please extend the deadline, which was already due before the letter was sent. Not very professional at all. My S&P lawyer warned me about it before, I already did whatever that I could, but sometimes, things just don't go your way, and shit happens.

Luckily for me, with the help of the divine god somewhere (God of 6-packs perhaps?), He gave me a good and kind house owner, who is more than reasonable. She didn't insist on imposing the late penalty, which she has every rights to, but she didn't. She was always very polite during the few times we exchanged text messages. And she made it very easy for me by handing over the tenancy deposits to the lawyers on her own initiative. To think that I used to worry that the owner might not give me the money and I had to plead and beg her to hand it to me, I scared myself sometimes.

And so, Pemberley is on it's way to be mine, one step closer anyway. The tenant will be staying until end of the year, so I can't do anything to the house yet. The loan payment has already started, and I will be a lot poorer every month from now on, for another 30 years. The feeling of having your own place is priceless though, as everyone told me. The thought of not having to stay with my housemate again is probably priceless enough for me, at the moment.

Next thing to worry myself: the renovation. Any tips?

Prim And Proper Presentations

2010-10-18T08:01:00.000+08:00

David's Birthday Present 2010

William's Birthday Present 2010

le boyfriend's Birthday Present 2010

The wrapping techniques that I know are limited. You can notice that the presents were wrapped in almost the same kind of way. I'll have to do more research to learn new ways of gift wrapping. I know some people dread wrapping gifts. I like to do it because I get a sense of satisfaction, not because my gift would be the prettiest among all of the gifts, but it's the feeling of achievement, something that you created using your own effort. That effort includes not just wrapping the gifts, but also selecting the wrapping papers and the ribbons.

And hopefully it'll bring joy to the recipients.

Karma And Toothache

2010-10-15T07:46:00.000+08:00

Karma indeed is a big, bad bitch. I was making fun of Carpe Diem's woes of his teeth bracelet got tightened and the torturous sensation that he had to go through. And since yesterday after my banana leaf rice lunch, I felt that something wasn't right on the left side of my jaw. It had that numb and itchy feeling where you just couldn't stop poking it with your tongue. And if you did, it would only make it worse.

The numb and itchy feeling quickly turned into a mild pain with pulsating sensation. By now I'm quite sure that the pain was caused by the 90%-still-hidden-under-the-gum wisdom tooth. I had this experience before and I didn't like it, still don't. I have no idea why it flared up this time. I'm pretty sure I drank enough water. Was it the banana leaf rice? I had that many times and it never caused any toothache before. Maybe it's because I didn't work out and sweat for two days in a row? Maybe I had heavy lunches and dinners till the god of 6 packs frowned upon me and gave me this warning? Or maybe I just think too much?

I drank more water, hoping that the pain was caused by the body's heatiness. The gum around the wisdom tooth area now felt loose and soft, compared to the rest of the gum. Pain struck me even if I was just swallowing saliva. Le boyfriend asked me to go see a dentist, but I didn't. I don't know any good dentists around, and by that time it was already late. I just kept reminding myself not to poke that area with my tongue anymore to worsen the condition.

Luckily my bad Karma was all paid up through the night. When I woke up this morning, the pain was almost gone and the gum was almost back to normal. I think I should chew on the other side so that the affected side can fully recover. Hopefully it will not flare up again later on.

God of 6 packs, I have learnt my lesson and will not make fun of other people's misery no more. And I promise you I will do more crunches and eat less everyday. Amen.

赵咏华: 最浪漫的事 (The Most Romantic Thing)

2010-10-14T09:05:00.000+08:00

背靠着背坐在地毯上
听听音乐聊聊愿望
你希望我越来越温柔
我希望你放我在心上

你说想送我个浪漫的梦想
谢谢我带你找到天堂
哪怕用一辈子才能完成
只要我讲你就记住不忘

我能想到最浪漫的事
就是和你一起慢慢变老
一路上收藏点点滴滴的欢笑
留到以后坐着摇椅慢慢聊

我能想到最浪漫的事
就是和你一起慢慢变老
直到我们老得哪儿也去不了
你还依然把我当成手心里的宝

Sitting back-to-back on the carpet
Listening to music and exchanging dreams
You hope that I would become gentler
I wish that you would have me in your heart

You said you want to grant me a romantic wish
To thank me for giving you a heaven
No matter if it takes forever to accomplish
If I said it, then you'll never forget

The most romantic thing that I know of
Is to get old slowly with you together
Collecting all the happiness along the way
So we can chat about it on the rocking chairs

The most romantic thing that I know of
Is to get old slowly with you together
Until we're too old to go anywhere
You'd still see me as a precious in your heart

The Perfect Plan

2010-10-13T07:00:00.000+08:00

Before I realized that gay couples can't have their own children like heterosexual couples do, I dreamt about finding the perfect significant other, staying in a nice big house, having a few kids and living happily ever after. It's a vision that most people have and pursue, one way or another. I actually had a pretty detailed plan for that.

You see, I am to find a lover some time after graduation, which would be about 23 to 25 years old. Then we will get married when I am 29 to 31 years old. And the first baby will come at 33 years old, second baby at 36 years old and third one at 39 years old. For female, just take off 2 or 3 years from all the ages mentioned. I think that was quite a sound planning if I happened to be a heterosexual.

I have a close girl friend whom I came out to, we were friends since secondary school. I never actually told my perfect life plan to anyone else, I might have commented on the right ages to do certain things in life, but I never talked about it in detail with anyone. But somehow, my friend she was living most of my perfect life plan in real. Obviously, we have about the same kind of life plan.

As for me now, I'm still trying to live that perfect plan if possible. Although the age for certain stages might run a bit, right now I'm probably still on the correct path. Getting married with a ceremony is basically out of the plan, even though le boyfriend would really like to have one, but I just don't see how it is ever possible.

My parents forbid me to have a relationship and he hasn't officially came out to his parents. I think it's best to just remain this way and let things be. Don't ask, don't tell, sometimes it's okay.

Mission Impossible: Get Married

2010-10-12T07:00:00.000+08:00

I had a chat with my colleague one day, telling him that I've lost my motivation to work. Maybe because I stayed in the same company for too long, maybe it's the city, or maybe it's just that le boyfriend is not here with me. I told my colleague that I felt a bit jaded, and tired.

I like to talk to this colleague because he makes sense, and the reason he makes sense is because he reads a lot, like le boyfriend. Well, don't start thinking about things now, he's already married, with kids. So yeah, he reads a lot and he has a lot of things in his mind. He always analyses things in an objective manner, and let me see things from another point of view. It is refreshing to have this kind of colleague, I guess.

So, about my demotivation with work, he suggested maybe I should find some new mission in life. Just then, his eyes brightened up and told me that I should get married. I was taken aback, and asked him with who. He replied that I should get married with my girlfriend. I told him that it was not possible because I don't even have a girlfriend to get married with.

So then he said my new mission would be to find a girlfriend, to make my life fulfilled, or the other way round, where I go out and find that special girl, and make her life whole. I didn't know what to say, so I just mumbled something about leaving it to fate, and not a word about my homosexuality. Let's face it, I'm not comfortable telling my colleagues I'm gay, they might behave worse than my parents. I might be out and proud, but I still decide who to tell and who not to.

I usually don't get a lot of colleagues asking me to get married, but sometimes they do. I have another colleague who gave up on asking anymore, because I just remain indifferent, not to mention I blew up a date he set me up with, so he's never gonna do it again, probably swore his life by it.

The main point is, to remain indifferent. Relatives might be another story though.

The Good Husband

2010-10-11T11:41:00.000+08:00

The request to get a transfer from my boss to put an end to the long distance relationship has fallen through. I told my Mom and she wasn't very sad about it. She was more curious as to why I suddenly wanted to move back, especially after I just bought a property here in KL. I hope she will think that I want to spend more time with her and father, so that she will at least feel pleased whenever she thinks about it. What a manipulative son I am.

But spending time with my parents is still part of the reasons. The main one of course is to be close to le boyfriend. So I told him the news, he was calm as he usually is. We discussed a little, but it didn't get anywhere. A close friend once told me, for a long distance relationship to work, both sides must have the same goal to look forward to, usually it's the date when the long distance will finally come to an end. A definitive date. Or a plan to end the long distance if there is no definitive date.

Right now, there's no date. 4 years? 5 years? Maybe more? And there's not yet a plan. I'm just holding on to the next trip that I'm going over to his place, or he coming back to KL. Short term goal, yes. Long term goal, none yet. There is this one series that I'm currently catching called 'The Good Wife', where the wife's husband who is a politician had a scandal and she has to start working again to keep the family going, and her boss has feelings for her and she felt it too. In the Season 1 finale, the boss called and wanted to confess his feelings to her. She was stuck in between her husband and the boss. In the end she told the boss, "Show me the plan. I get the romance, show me the plan. Poetry is easy; it's the parent-teacher conferences that are hard."

So, show me the plan. I'm more than willing to follow if the plan is reasonable. Show me the plan so that there's something for me to look forward to. I need a plan.

Hot @ 30: Part II

2010-10-08T09:11:00.000+08:00

And my assignment in Beijing made it worse. I mean, come on, we're talking about the Chinese here, they do make good food, although some of them use dubious quality of ingredients to cook. And bonus, the food is so cheap. I miss the Peking Duck and buttered duck liver so much. Crunchy thin duck skin that will spurt out oil by the dozen when you chew on it, just heavenly. Even thinking about it will make you fat.

Judging by the amount of food I gorged, I should be totally out of shape after 1 year, but I didn't. I guess it was because of the cold seasons there. Strong, cold winds during the autumn and winter definitely chilled me till my bones were aching. All that fat stored in my body was used to generate more heat, just so that I wouldn't die freezing. Not to mention that winter illness I had nearly killed me. It was basically just normal flu and fever, but because of the cold weather, I couldn't seem to recover at all and it dragged on. I bet I lost a few pounds there.

After I finished my work in Beijing, I came back and le boyfriend was here as well preparing for his exam. That was probably the longest period we were both in the same place, as he would be far away again after the exam. That's just one of the woes of dating a doctor. So for that period, we spent the time eating, eating and eating, and no workout. Basically everyone told me I was more plump. But I didn't really care, cause I had my love with me.

And then he went to the Kingdom of Far Far Away. And so I am alone, with a lot of time to spend. Some friends joined the gym and started a campaign called Hot Before 30. It didn't strike me to follow suit just then as I was sick practically every month, sometimes twice in a month, curses really. I almost spent all of my medical leaves and it was just July, nobody would believe it. It's ridiculous.

Somewhere after my birthday in August, I had about enough, and vowed that I would not fall sick that easily anymore. I started to workout, sweat it out, eat well, and do basically all the good things for my body. It worked, I didn't get sick last month, hopefully it'll last me till end of the year. Or just a very, very long time. And of course, in doing so, I'm able to shed some fat and slim down. And since I'm thinner, might as well tone the muscle and make myself look better, right?

Well, the main point is be healthy first, and then look better. I'm 30 years old now and I have to learn to be responsible for my own body, because nobody else would if I don't. So, Hot @ 30. We shall see how it goes in the future. Have a great weekend everyone! I know I will. Karaoke! Hurrah!

Hot @ 30: Part I

2010-10-07T10:05:00.000+08:00

I started putting on weight when I was in university. Uncontrolled diet, lots of snacking, not to mention midnight suppers. All of these killed my body. Lazing around in front of the computer didn't help either. I was lean when I finished secondary school, because my Mom would control what I ate.

The same continued on from university to working. My colleagues would bring me to try all those famous and nice food places. My weight just kept going up and up, there was no stopping it. Not until one day, when I was depressing over why I was still single, I made a vow to myself, that I would transform myself into something marketable, go out, and find myself some love.

And so I started working out, I did yoga, I used the treadmill, and I controlled my diet. I achieved a favourable result in 1 month. No 6 packs of course. That wasn't in the plan that time. Next of course was wardrobe change, baggy shirts and pants just wouldn't do, no no. Tighter shirts, skinnier pants, wouldn't hurt to let loose some fabulous and gay vibes.

So, along came le boyfriend. He probably didn't really care about how my body looked like, well, as long as I wasn't too obese. All those sweat and blood to make me feel good about my body was thrown into the drain. I supposed that is a good thing because then he wouldn't complain about how I've gained weight, or I shouldn't be eating this or that. That would probably get on my nerves real quick.

Since I've found myself some love, it was sort of mission accomplished, and case closed. One thing for sure, le boyfriend likes to eat, meat mostly, and pork particularly, and that was how my famous line of "share pork with someone you love" came about. Uncontrolled diet, no work out, lazing about everyday, it went back to the same old routine. And so my body started bloating again, slowly but surely.

The True Top Chef

2010-10-06T07:00:00.001+08:00

It is a universal truth that a mother's (or father, in some cases) cooking is probably the best in her children's hearts. Her cooking might not be better than the chefs in restaurants, sometimes too plain, other times too rich, but one thing for sure, she cooks for her family, and for the well being of her family.

After working away from home for about 7 years now, I can say I've tasted all sorts of food that is not home-cooked. Economy rice, fast food, Chinese restaurants, western restaurants, Malay food, Indian food, Korean food, Japanese food, etc. They taste nice, some of them genuinely nice and fantastic. But you know they are not the same with home-cooked food.

My Mom has become more health conscious in recent years because of my father's health, and also because of mine. Yeah, my medical report isn't what a 30-year old should be. It was frightening really. A few years of uncontrolled eating away from home can do a lot of damage to your body. Whenever I go back home, my Mom would cook only healthy stuffs: lots of veggie, less meat except fish, and she would make fruits+veggie drinks for me. It's almost like a total body detox routine. Sometimes I have cravings for her sour plum duck, and she would cook it still, just because I asked for it, even though duck meat is high in cholesterol. I'm still her favourable son even if she can't understand why I'm gay, and will not accept everything of it.

My Mom was here a few weeks back, in KL, to be with the grandchildren. One Sunday morning, after I was 70% drunk the night before (or rather early morning the same day), I decided to head over to visit her. It was still early when I reached there, about 8 something. I hadn't had breakfast yet and I was hoping I could eat something there. Mom said she would use the leftover rice from dinner and cook me fried rice. It was perfect plan because I didn't feel like eating out.

So after a while, the cooking was done. The fried rice looked just like normal fried rice you would find anywhere else: egg, chicken and veggie, no shrimp since I'm prone to shellfish allergies. It was simple. But to me, it looked like it was sent from heaven. I haven't had my Mom's cooking for less than 2 months only actually, but I just couldn't get enough of it whenever I go back home for a short period of time.

When I tasted the fried rice she just cooked, it was so delicious (10,000 times better than those from the restaurants) that I felt like crying. A strong gush of emotions rushed to my brain. It was just a simple dish, but there was so much love that I could feel from it. I suddenly had the urge to hug my Mom and tell her I love her and how much I miss her cooking. It was like experiencing an epiphany.

That morning, I sat there at the dining table by myself, and I savoured every bit of my meal like I never did before. It was the best.

Zolpidem & Restless Legs

2010-10-05T07:00:00.001+08:00

Carpe Diem talked about Stilnox when I wrote a post about me not being able to sleep soundly because of all the dreams I was having. So, being the curious cat that I am, I wiki-ed Stilnox to find more information about it. Stilnox is the trade name, the drug itself is called Zolpidem.

So, Zolpidem is used for short-term treatment of insomnia, and if I'm not wrong, it probably will knock you off, but doesn't necessarily let you have a good sleep. So, I might be sleeping, but I still could feel shitty when I wake up. And apparently Zolpidem doesn't only put you to sleep, it can also wake you up from a coma, althought it probably doesn't work all the time. But still, interesting.

As I read on, I came across this: restless leg syndrome. It definitely caught my attention because before this I always complained to le boyfriend that my legs were restless, yes, I used the word 'restless' exactly. He probably had no idea what I was talking about. It happened when I sat down too long, not moving my legs. The sensation is very difficult to explain, it's like some sour fluid flowing in your veins down to your legs and your muscle will become sour and a little bit tensioned, and the only thing you feel like doing is to move your legs about. I have no idea if that makes any sense, but trust me, it's not something you would want to feel.

So, yeah, I finally found this medical condition and it has a name, although a rather straight forward one. Fortunately, I experience almost none of that already after I started working out. I hope it'll not come back forever again. If it does, then you might see me walking about or shaking my legs (although sometimes I shake my legs even when they're not restless) in the middle of something, like having a meal, or drinking. Does anybody out there have this syndrome?

Sex Diary

2010-10-04T07:00:00.002+08:00

Student, 21, male, single.

Day One
4:30 a.m.: Too much alcohol, I rush to the toilet to vomit. There's another guy on my bed, naked. I have no idea what happened, I continue to sleep.
7 a.m.: The alarm wakes us up. The guy touches me and we have sex.
7:45 a.m.: He asks if I remembered his name. I don't. Awkward silence. He leaves for classes. I sleep some more.
10:00 a.m.: See cute gay couple in class. Why is that not me? Yes, I'm absolutely jealous.
3:15 p.m.: Looking at profiles on dating website. None interests me.
4:00 p.m.: Feel horny and start jerking off to porn.
5:00 p.m.: Somebody on Grindr wants to fuck me. I turn him down.
10:30 p.m.: Jerking off to porn again, but dozing off instead of getting off. Decide to hit the sack.

Day Two
10:15 a.m.: The senior asks me for lunch. He's good looking and has nice body. I don't have any feelings for him though. I just like the attention and the occasional gifts.
12:15 p.m.: The senior gives me cufflinks from Paul Smith, and says that he's very happy to see me. I feel so guilty that I wish I can disappear into thin air.
1:30 p.m.: The senior follows me to my room cause he needs to use the toilet. I kiss him and give him a blowjob. I feel less guilty now.
5:15 p.m.: Bryan calls, the guy whose name I couldn't remember. He wants to have dinner with me. I say okay.
8:00 p.m.: He sends me home after dinner. He leaves, nothing happens.
10:00 p.m.: I'm masturbating again. I'm starting to wonder if this is healthy.

Day Three
10:00 a.m.: The cute gay couple is in the class. I sit in front of them so that I don't have to see them. Still jealous.
10:30 a.m.: My ex-boyfriend texts me. He tells me how great his new boyfriend is and asks me to move on. What a jerk.
2:45 p.m.: Bryan asks me if I want to hang out at his place, I agree. We have sex, it is so good that I pray it doesn't kill me. I was too drunk to realize the other day.
5:00 p.m.: Can't forget about the sex with Bryan. Do I like him? But I don't even know him well enough.
7:15 p.m.: Meet up with my girl friend for dinner. She introduces me to her new gay friend. This is the 5th time she's doing that, none of the previous ones works. She doesn't get what I want. Hell, I don't know what I want.
11:00 p.m.: The new guy sends me home. I invite him to my room but he rejects the offer. I kiss him instead. Gosh, am I that desperate?

Day Four
9:30 a.m.: Not paying attention in class, texting with new guy. He's funny, and smart, and cute, and friendly.
11:00 a.m.: Feel the urge to ask him out tonight. Then he calls and asks me out tonight. He's a psychic!
3:00 p.m.: The senior asks me out tonight as well, but I have to turn him down. Maybe I should tell him I'm not into him.
10:15 p.m.: Had a great dinner with new guy. I invite him to my room again and he rejects it again. He's taking it reaaaal slow. That makes me want it even more.

Day Five
10:15 a.m.: Turn down or ignore all messages on Grindr. That's really unlike me, usually I would at least screen through for potential candidates.
4:30 p.m.: Meet up with the senior. I tell him I'm not into him. He seems upset, but he's handling it quite well, better than I expected.
9:00 p.m.: It's Friday night and I'm jerking off to porn. It's pathetic. Where is my knight in shining armour?

Day Six
11:00 a.m.: Someone keeps staring at me in the gym. I take my shower and he comes in and gives me a handjob. I stop him before he could finish. He leaves after that.
1:30 p.m.: I keep thinking about new guy. I want to have sex with him so bad. I text him and he says he can drop by tonight. Horny thoughts fill my mind.
8:45 p.m.: We had dinner and watched movie, at my place. I give him a "massage". I seduce him and he plays along. Not the best sex but I'm loving everything about it. He stays overnight.

Day Seven
8:15 a.m.: He's taking a shower and I join him. We have our first bathroom sex. It's very romantic.
2:00 p.m.: We're in the mall. We talk, we laugh, we do things together. I haven't felt so good about myself for a very long time.
4:45 p.m.: Bryan calls, and I turn down his offer of 'having fun together'. I surprise myself sometimes.
8:30 p.m.: While having dinner, new guy tells me he likes me. I tell him I like him too. He says maybe we can try and work something out. I agree. Looks like I've got myself a man. No more random sex, at least for now. And you know what? My girl friend actually succeeded this time. And his name is Paul.

Disclaimer: Everything that has been written is fictional. None of them is real.

On Demand

2010-10-02T15:28:00.002+08:00

Well, there you go, since I'm bored to tears at home and some readers might not understand Mandarin (like uncle Twilight, and le boyfriend), so I took the time to translate the lyrics I wrote yesterday. It's definitely not perfect translation, so just bear with me here.

我和你 (You and Me)

我和你之间的那种微妙 (There's a special connection between us)
其他人或许不太明了 (That other people might not understand)
我们两人各有一套 (We have our own ways of dealing things)
难免会有一点争吵 (And there'll always be some little spats)

也许你可以有多些情调 (Maybe you can try to be more romantic)
好让我觉得不太无聊 (So I wouldn't feel so bummed)
但别误解，我不是在计较 (But don't misunderstand, I'm not demanding)
你的好，多远我都感受得到 (Because I can feel your love no matter where you are)

你大可不必庸人自扰 (You don't need to worry so much)
虽然你身在天涯和海角 (Even though we're very far apart)
我偶尔喜欢耍闹，有些轻佻 (Sometimes I might play and fool around)
但你不用因此而感到烦躁 (But you don't need to feel worried)

只因为你是我的主角 (Because you are my one and only hero)
尽管你没有漂亮的容貌 (Athough you might not have a pretty face)
只要你对我好，一直到老 (If you treat me good, until we get old)
我就永远都是你的宝 (Then I'll always be your babe)

等到有天你我都年老 (Till that day when we're both old)
你依然会是我毕生的骄傲 (You'd still be the pride of my life)

我和你

2010-10-02T00:00:00.001+08:00

我和你之间的那种微妙
其他人或许不太明了
我们两人各有一套
难免会有一点争吵

也许你可以有多些情调
好让我觉得不太无聊
但别误解，我不是在计较
你的好，多远我都感受得到

你大可不必庸人自扰
虽然你身在天涯和海角
我偶尔喜欢耍闹，有些轻佻
但你不用因此而感到烦躁

只因为你是我的主角
尽管你没有漂亮的容貌
只要你对我好，一直到老
我就永远都是你的宝

等到有天你我都年老
你依然会是我毕生的骄傲

The Air-Con Chronicles

2010-10-01T07:49:00.000+08:00

So, anything that can go wrong, will go wrong, according to Murphy. And so that was exactly what my air con did, to go wrong on me all the way. The last time it was spewing hot air, and after the air con fella checked, he pronounced that the heart of the machine, which is the compressor, had died on me. And the economical way was to install a new air con instead of trying to fix the compressor.

After getting advice from friend and le boyfriend (which involved a bit of a commotion), I sort of decided to get a new air con, but changed my mind again due to several reasons, including the one where I would be moving to my new place soon. Le boyfriend told me to get it in the end before I called the air con fella to cancel the change, and so I did.

And not only the air con, even things can go wrong with the service fellas. You see, I wanted fella A to come service the air con at first, but he was busy, so he asked his friend fella B to come. Fella B was a bit shady to me, so I asked fella A to come install the new air con, and told fella B that I didn't want to change already. On that day, I suddenly got a call from fella B asking me when I would be at home, so that he could come fix the new air con. I was puzzled and told him that I didn't want to. And he said fella A asked him to fix the new air con. I was like, what the... I told fella B to wait while I check with fella A. In the end, I had to tell fella B to come fix the air con because fella A asked him to. That was really embarrassing because I already told fella B that I wouldn't fix the new air con and now he knew that I lied, and if he is smart, he would know that I didn't trust him. Can this be a FML?

Anyway, that wasn't even nearing the end yet. When the guy arrived, he called me and said the guard wouldn't let them in, again. And I was like, not again! What do they want this time! They want a piece of me?! The air con fella wanted me to go down and talk to them again, but I just refused to. I asked him to pass the phone to the guard.

The guard told me I needed to get a letter from the management office before I could do the work. It was Friday, and the time was 2pm. Everyone knows that no offices would open at that time when the Muslims were off praying. The guard probably sensed his stupidity and told me he would let the service guy in but I had to get the letter later.

And so the service guys started installing the new air con and managed to get the whole place covered with dust from all the drilling. I just cleaned the place yesterday! You know the super computer in 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy' and its reply of 42 to the ultimate answer of life, universe and everything, and how they needed to find a question to that answer? I think I just found mine, and it is 'how many times do I need to clean this house before I can move to my new place where I'll be staying ALL BY MYSELF'.

Back to air con. I had to go to the management office to get the letter. And so I did and they said I needed to put down a deposit of RM200. RM200?! And they told me if I didn't pass the inspection, they would take my deposit money. WTF?! Fine, it was too late to cheat my way out so I had to comply. I got a slip from them which I thought the air con fella would have to pass to the guard when they leave. But later I found out that they could just leave without any slip or whatsoever. Damn. I should've just ignored that stupid guard and not gone to the office and put down my money there.

After the air con fellas left, I had to get someone from the office to inspect and they had better give me back my money because everything was done exactly like the previous one. I did get the money back without dispute. Now the cleaning part. As I was cleaning the place, I got a text from a friend asking me to have dinner. I said yes, and now I had to finish the chores fast. I managed to vacuum the floor but didn't mop it, because I was running out of time.

I secretly hope that the housemate would maybe, you know, just maybe, mop the floor since you could still feel the dust. Fat hope for that, everything was still the same after I came back. Never mind, I told myself. 42 more, 42.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Don't Bully, Don't Prank

2010-09-30T11:12:00.002+08:00

I sort of postponed my intended entry today so that I can write about this instead. Got news from the internet about this and it really pains me to read the whole thing. A student (Dharun Ravi) planted a hidden camera inside his dorm room, taped his roommate (Tyler Clementi) having sex, and broadcasted it through iChat. The roommate is a freshman boy. He was having sex with another boy. And he committed suicide after that incident. You can read about it here, and here, if you are not miserable enough just yet.

While it was definitely an invasion of privacy, taping and broadcasting without consent, I wonder if the student who did it is just a prankster or a bully. But that doesn't matter now, does it? His actions might have directly or indirectly caused the death of his roommate. Which is the exact reason why I never do pranks on other people, because you can never know what would happen. I hold on to that belief no matter what people say, whether I'm boring, up tight, or serious, you name it. But I don't want to be the one who would be blamed for some pranks that I did and have to live the rest of my life regretting it.

If you read the articles at the links above, you would probably come to the conclusion that the boy took his life because he was being shamed, and like it or not, it boils down to his homosexuality. Of course, some would say he shouldn't have killed himself, he should've been stronger. And I do agree, I think that nobody should take their own lives unless you're terminally ill, just to end the suffering. But sometimes, things happened so fast and out of control that they would make the sanest man to go insane. The mind works in a mysterious way, no matter how prepared you are, when things happened, you would do the unexpected.

The boy probably wasn't ready to come out to anyone yet, and suddenly everybody, including strangers know that he was gay. It was too overwhelming for him. I was fortunate that I didn't encounter these during my school days, not that I acted out my homosexuality anyway. I didn't meet any gay man not until I started working. I guess by that time I was old enough to know how to fight off these things, and how to be careful. It was all peaceful until I came out to my parents and family, and that remained a disaster still, or it's now more like a don't ask, don't tell thing. Well, add don't date to it as well.

As if that wasn't enough, you can read about a 13-year old boy who shot himself due to the continuous bullying he suffered in school, here. Well, no surprise there, the boy was a homosexual as well. But the difference was that he came out to his parents the day he killed himself, and the parents were okay with his sexuality, so they said. This is probably a classic case of the boy being bullied till he just couldn't take it anymore. It's a shame that the school didn't do anything after much complaints. It's a shame that the boy took his life because of that, since your life is always more precious than those scumbags' bullying.

Which is why this is being done. I don't know how bad bullying is for schools in Malaysia, but I know it does exist. Once again, I thank God that it didn't happen to me in my schools. And yes, I do think it gets better, even though you might think that it's never going to happen right now. Don't let anyone or anything come in between you and the happiness that you can get up ahead. It can't get any worse when you're currently in the worst condition. It'll only get better, it has to.

As I always say, don't forget to love yourself.

Finally!... Oh, Wait......

2010-09-29T07:00:00.000+08:00

I was walking around topless and suddenly I noticed something in the mirror from the corner of my eyes. I turned and looked at it directly. It was still at a very early stage, almost non-existing, but I could still see it. Is that muscle that I see on my tummy? I questioned myself. I walked towards the mirror and stared at it for a very long time. I could see the outline, not clear at all, but there nonetheless. I touched it with my fingers, I could feel small lumps of muscle.

I was overjoyed. I think I had tears in my eyes. Finally, after all the sweat and hard work, I am beginning to have the 6 packs that I've always wanted! I thought to myself. I couldn't believe it. And that was when I woke up. And I touched my belly, and it was still a big lump of fat. I felt extremely disappointed. It was all just a dream.

That was one of the countless dreams I had recently that I could still remember. The rest I just couldn't, not even right after I woke up. It was very disappointing, but there's nothing I could do except to continue working. Speaking of which, working out has definitely made me healthier and less prone to illness. I haven't been sick at all this month! Which is a first for this year! It's pathetic, I know, but it's a great achievement for me, since I had been sick for every month this year. It's a dark curse, I deeply believe so.

And hopefully that 6 packs will come along in the future, fingers crossed.

I Dreamed A Dream

2010-09-28T08:22:00.000+08:00

I have started to dream a lot again. The last time that I could remember was when I was still in Beijing. Of course after that I did have dreams but it wasn't as frequent. Nowadays, I'm having dreams almost every night, maybe 6 out of 7 nights in a week, sometimes a few dreams in one night. And that one day that I didn't dream? I was too drunk.

The dreams were not anything in particular, they were not about me being chased my monsters (horror type), not about me winning the lottery and living a glamorous life (happy, out of this world type), nor about sex, which I thought I would be having constantly, but no, not even with the long and never ending drought.

Most of them were just mundane. They were so simple that they became annoying. It could be something like this:

Me: What are you doing this weekend?
Man: Nothing, maybe just relax at home.
Me: Not going out?
Man: Maybe not, a bit tired this week. You?
Me: Well, no plans yet.
Man: Okay. Gonna play with the Wii?
Me: Not sure, hardly touch that thing now.
Man: Why?
Me: Just too lazy. That thing is more like an expensive weighing machine now.
Man: How's that so?
Me: I use it to track my weight using Wii Fit.
Man: Dude, it's a game console.
Me: I know, well, too lazy.
Man: Maybe you should let me have it.
Me: Come and play if you want.
Man: Yeah, maybe that.

See, it's not going anywhere. There is no purpose in all these dreams, well, not that I need a purpose in my dreams. But the mundaneness is starting to feel annoying. And having dreams all night long makes me feel like I didn't sleep at all, and I do feel that way the next day, tired and sleepy still, which is the most annoying part of all. Whoever said that you need a deeply rested state of mind before you can have dreams, I don't think it's true. Either that, or dreams make your mind become un-rested again.

Whatever it is, I want my quality sleep again! I can't get drunk every single day, can I?

Coldplay: The Scientist

2010-09-24T08:24:00.000+08:00

Want you to know how much I love and need you, before it's too late.

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions
Oh, let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

But tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start

Listen

2010-09-23T07:52:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was Mid Autumn Festival. Nothing much was done, went to work as usual. But I did went for steamboat with my girlfriends at Xiao Fei Yang. It's somewhere around Imbi area, secluded and strange place for a restaurant if you asked me. I've eaten that while I was in Beijing a few times, it was good then. Still good now, missed it very much. They said it is the same company but the logo was totally different. Still, the workers were mostly Chinese, as in from China, and there were 2 tables of Chinese customers as well, celebrating the festival no less, being far away from their families.

Had a minor disagreement with le boyfriend the other night. Yeah, it isn't sunshine and double rainbows all the way, even for us. It's probably my fault, I drive him nuts sometimes I'm sure. He probably thinks that I'm sometimes stubborn with my strange logic, that it baffles my own mind when I think back about them. He rarely argues or raises his voice with me, even though he said he did it to a lot of deserving waiters and customer service workers, even to other doctors as well, apparently.

Well, I must've gotten on his nerves recently or I just let him down. Before you knew it, we were engaging in serious debate and then one person would say something that would shut the other one up for good. And then there was this awkward silence, followed by hastily mumbling something including okays, that's all and goodbyes. And one or both parties would either sulk, sob, or scheme for revenge. I'm not the revengeful type, but I do keep grudges if you did something very, very, very bad to me. Yeah, it has to be very, very, very bad. No, I don't do it for tiny matters, or else I'll be too busy everyday.

I was quite upset but I know he was just trying to help me. His intentions were good. He wants me to be a better person. I totally understand that. But maybe try another method to tell me? I'll try my best to listen.

Edit: Did it sound like we're still in a fight? Well, no, we're not already. So cue sunshine and double rainbows.

Only You, My Love

2010-09-22T00:00:00.003+08:00

I was troubled
Mind was messed up
Change is coming
Like the last time

I will admit
I am nervous
But you pushed me
Till I fell over

I didn't mean to
Make you feel crossed
I tried my best
Still inadequate

I blame myself
For being weak
But only you
Can make me weep

Hot Hot Baby

2010-09-21T07:00:00.000+08:00

So the air con was not blowing cold air, and was emitting hot air instead. I called the usual air con guy on Saturday but he wasn't working around my area. So I asked him if he has any friends who would be able to come fix it that day. Another guy called me later and said he would drop by later because he was doing another job somewhere near.

I waited patiently but he didn't show up. I rang and he said he was still stuck with the previous job and he wouldn't be able to come do mine. It was devastating really. They don't work on Sundays, which means I would have to wait till Monday. Two nights of hot summer's air, I braced myself. So the guy said he would come by Monday evening after my work.

I had to rush back from work and then called him to let him know that he could come over now, as he was nearby. A while later, he called and told me that the guard wouldn't let them in. And I was like 'Oh God! What is it now?! I just want that f-ing air con to be fixed! Pronto!!' So I had to drag myself down to the guard house and asked the guard what did he want.

He said no work should be done after 5:30pm. So I replied in an annoying matter that it is so hot lately and I have to work until 5:30pm everyday and what does he want me to do. He kept on insisting that it couldn't be done. And I said it was only small work and it wouldn't disturb anyone, still with the same annoying tone. Seriously, who fixed this rule? If you say no work after 7pm or 8pm, that's more reasonable isn't it?

In the end, he let them do the work, but the air con fella couldn't park the lorry inside. Since the fella was ok with that, I didn't bother to argue with the guard anymore. I JUST wanted to fix my air con! So he started to check and found that the capacitor was damaged. He changed it and I switched on the air con and finally cold air was coming out.

RM120, that's the cost. Seriously, that thing looked like it cost RM20, despite the fact that he told me he didn't earn a lot. And I was like yeah, right. I would say that too if I was an air con repairman. Anyway I sent him away and felt happy that I could sleep in comfort again.

You know that they say when you're having bad luck, it'll be a whole bunch of them coming at the same time? Later that night when I switched on the air con, the air wasn't cold, and I was like not again! I went outside to check the compressor unit and the fan wasn't moving a tiny bit. Seriously, I just felt like packing up a bag and go stay in a hotel or something. Why is this happening to me?!

I called the air con fella and told him about it. He said he would come again today and see. He better fix it good this time or else I will throw him off the balcony, I swear to god. I just want to have some cold air while I sleep! Is that so hard to find? Am I reaching for the stars?

Late But Good

2010-09-20T07:00:00.002+08:00

First of all, thanks for all the concerns and support to get me through my selfish emotions. I am feeling better now. I haven't been feeling this way for quite a while, obviously these things struck anytime, in every way. I am not known for being a strong person all the time, I have my weak period. And this is one of them. I will find a way to stand up tall again, that's for sure.

On other news, I received a belated birthday gift last Friday. The clue I got was 'something that will complete your collection'. I had no idea what it was. I thought about hats and ties, because I love to collect them, but it would be 'add on to your collection' instead of 'complete your collection'. Anyway, I didn't put much thought into it.

So Friday lunch came along with the usual gang. I got the gift. It looked and felt like a book. The wrapping paper was interesting, it was the world map from Lord of the Ring. And there was a specially drawn route from the supposedly fabulous human place (I think it's the human place, I have no idea) to the place where the elves lived (that's me, Legolas). Nice touch.

So I proceeded to open the gift because I was eager to know what book would 'complete my collection'. And it turned out to be this:

The Pride and Prejudice and Zombies graphic novel! I love it! I've been wanting to get it but it's really expensive. Yeah, I know how much it cost and it is definitely not cheap. And how does it complete my collection? Well, I have the original Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, I have the iPod Touch application of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (it's a game, a damn wicked and bloody game of Lizzy killing zombies), and now I have the Pride and Prejudice and Zombies graphic novel! The only thing I don't have is the novel for Pride and Prejudice and Zombies which le boyfriend forbids me to buy because he already has a copy.

So, thanks again, Alex and Jason!

Self Destruct In 30 Seconds

2010-09-18T04:06:00.001+08:00

The deadline for my Pemberley's payment will be up next week, and the bank hasn't released the full payment to the owner, which means that I will be charged interest according to the sales and purchase agreement. The agreement lawyer called me and reminded me about it. He was nagging me for most of the conversation, which I don't need at all right now. I need a solution, not someone to blame me for my incompetency, because I already knew that. The solution (at least the next thing to do) came at last where he would talk to the owners' lawyer.

I tried to call the bank lawyer, which I swear they just purposely don't want to pick up my phone. I called my brother-in-law because he was the one who helped me with the loan. He said he would check for me. I gave a call to my property agent as well, asking him to plead with the owner about extending the deadline without penalty charges. I don't know how all this is going to turn out, I'm just too tired to care, and there isn't much that I can do anyway. I might just have to pay the interest if the owners decided to enforce the agreement conditions. It is not their fault, I wasn't careful enough.

I don't feel good about myself lately. I have no mood to work and I don't love my job, I am fat and my health is probably all messed up, the boyfriend is far away but that is quite inevitable, I spend too much money while I still owe people some, I'm not home to take care of my aging parents, I'm constantly cleaning the house made messy by the housemate, the air-con just spoilt and I have to fix it with more money, and it's not even my own air-con, I'm awake at this hour because my mind is full of shit, I'm probably not doing so well as a friend, or boyfriend for that matter, I'm gay and therefore shaming my parents forever, I have no self-esteem at the moment, I have no solid plans for the future, I am not accomplished in any way, while people around me seem to be perfect. How did I turn out this way?

I know there are people who are more unfortunate than me by a million times, but I implore you not to judge me and just let me wallow in my misery for now. I will be alright, I have to.

Two More To Go

2010-09-17T07:00:00.000+08:00

I'm still catching up with my resolution this year, which is to read at least 5 books. I know it's a pathetic number but I failed at 10 books last year where in the end I only managed to read one. So I just finished my 3rd book, a book which I don't know how I convinced myself to read in the first place. Le boyfriend bought the book long time ago and I took a peak at the first few pages. It was interesting but not enough to keep me going. After a long time, while I was waiting for the time to pass in KLCC, I went to Kinokuniya and tried to find something to read. I remembered that book and so I bought and started reading it. The book is called 'Beat the Reaper' by Josh Bazell.

The story is about a doctor who was involved with the mafia during his younger time, currently under the witness protection program, trying to cope with his own past that is catching up on him. The chapters were written in such a way that they tell stories of his past and current time alternately. The storyline is quite compelling and I'd wonder what would happen next. As the story goes, it gets more and more gory and gross. Seriously, my stomach felt a tiny bit of sick for what the doctor did. Don't think I'll read that part ever again.

So, what's the next book then? Any recommendations? Preferably fiction though. I wanted to buy 'Pride and Prejudice and Zombies' but le boyfriend told me not to because he already has it, but I still haven't got it from him till now. I might just buy it if I couldn't wait no more.

Oleta Adams: Get Here

2010-09-16T07:30:00.001+08:00

It's been 14 days and 19 hours
Since I last saw your face
Feel your hair, touch your skin
Sense your breaths

It is not the longest we've parted
Nor the furthest we're apart
But it feels like forever
And covers distance of the universe

Some things help me pass time
My friends keep good company
They take things off of my mind
For that I thank you all

But when I'm by myself
My heart yearns for you, and
I just have to see your face
Feel your hair, touch your skin
Sense your breaths, again

I'm missing you so...

You can reach me by railway
You can reach me by trailway
You can reach me on an airplane
You can reach me with your mind

You can reach me by caravan
Cross the desert like an Arab man
I don't care how you get here
Just get here if you can

You can reach me by sail boat
Climb a tree and swing rope to rope
Take a sled and slide down the slope
Into these arms of mine

You can jump on a speedy colt
Cross the border in a blaze of hope
I don't care how you get here
Just get here if you can

There are hills and mountains between us
Always something to get over
If I had my way, surely you would be closer
I need you closer

You can windsurf into my life
Take me up on a carpet ride
You can make it in a big balloon
But you better make it soon

You can reach me by caravan
Cross the desert like an Arab man
I don't care how you get here
Just get here if you can

I don't care, I don't care
I need you right here, right now
I need you right here, right now, right by my side

I don't care how you get here
Just get here if you can

He's Got Me Spending

2010-09-14T22:08:00.000+08:00

One thing that I didn't mention last time when I came out to my family was that my Mom insisted me to go see a psychiatrist at the hospital. To go hospital you will need a referral letter. So my brother brought me to the doctor that I usually go when I'm down with sickness, which is a clinic nearby where I'm staying. His intention was to get the letter, but in order to do that, he would have to out me to the doctor whether I like it or not. As if forcing me to come out to my parents was not enough, now he had to do that. He had no sympathy over me, seriously.

The doctor was unfazed upon learning that I'm gay, but she asked me some questions anyway, probably a show for my brother. She asked if I wore women's clothes and whether I thought about sex change. Well, I may be gay, but I don't wear women's clothes nor thought about sex change. I love my 'johnson' very much, nobody can make me take it away. Anyway, the doctor scribbled something and gave us a referral doctor in the general hospital.

My parents were in KL that time so we all went to the hospital for my psychiatry treatment. I already knew the outcome before I even talked to the psychiatrist. No doctor can say that homosexuality is an illness, you can sue him upside down if he said otherwise. The whole thing was just for me to prove that there's nothing wrong with me being gay.

Still, the doctor had to do his job. He sent my family out as he needed to talk to me alone first. He asked me about my family background, what happened to me in my life, any traumatic experiences and so on. I disappointed him by saying that I grew up in a perfectly normal family and most people were nice to me. He then asked if I was happy with myself. I told him that I accepted that I'm gay and I was perfectly happy with my life then.

He said something but they weren't so important. He then asked my family to join back in. He tried to explain to my parents that as long as I'm happy with myself, there wasn't anything wrong with me, so to speak. At that moment, he was trying to counsel my parents that they should accept me being gay. It was definitely a big twist for them, but I already expected all these.

My parents were hoping that the psychiatrist would change me back to heterosexual, like how a doctor would make you better by giving you pills when you fall sick. This shows how little they knew about homosexuality. I didn't blame them, they probably never thought about this in their whole lives and suddenly it was shoved right to their faces. Also, my parents' English was not fluent, so the psychiatrist couldn't get all his points across. By that time, my parents were quite annoyed that the doctor was of no use and couldn't 'cure' me.

We all left the psychiatrist's room and my Mom told me that we could do this (changing my sexual orientation) by ourselves without the help from the doctor. Well, clearly she didn't get it, at all. What the psychiatrist said probably hit the Great Wall of China before dropping into the Pacific Ocean.

So, if you consulted the doctor, you definitely need to pay for the service. In some kind of twisted fate, the bill landed on my lap. My brother and parents were all annoyed with the psychiatrist not being able to help and nobody wanted to foot the bill. What else to do? I took out my credit card and paid that money. It was bloody RM250 plus, and that was only one session. According to the doctor, I was supposed to go back again for follow ups. Well, that ain't gonna happen, sir, unless someone else was going to pay for it.

What I feel angry about this incident every time I think about it now, is that why was I the one who had to pay the bill? I never wanted to see a psychiatrist, my parents and my brother wanted me to. They should be the one who should pay for the service, not me, even though in the end things didn't go their way. I was so naive to have settled the bill.

That's why I'm still very angry every time it comes to mind. I just can't get over it! Not until someone pays me back my money!

Who Loves You More?

2010-09-13T12:48:00.000+08:00

There's nothing much to say about the Cameron Highland trip, except that now I can say I've been there already. More details about it will come in the next few days, I hope. I need to download the photos to my computer and sort them properly first. It's always a lot of work to do but it has to be done. No pain, no gain.

Last week, I wasn't sure what got into me, I re-read le boyfriend's old blog posts which had my name in them. Quite a lot surprisingly, some just mentioned briefly though. There was one where he announced it to everyone, which was kinda sweet. Oh, and this one too.

Anyway, it reminded me of old memories and other mushy feelings that come with it. It also reminded me of the things we said or did, and how we changed from dating until now. I don't know how other people see us as a couple, whether they set a deadline of 6 months or 1 year before everything would end, but 4 years down the road, it seems like he's still quite interesting and funny, so there's no reason to back down.

And as Celine sang, I'm the one who wants to love you more.

I Dig That Banner Man

2010-09-10T13:33:00.000+08:00

It's a new banner since maybe 2 or 3 years already. The man in it is Matt Boomer. He's currently in the series called White Collar. It's one of the shows that I'm watching, currently in season 2, and I totally like it, the story I mean. There are rumours about him being gay, and I definitely think so. If you don't answer the question "Are you gay / homosexual?" with a direct and simple answer "No!", then you're so gay. But him being gay only makes me love him more. So it's all good.

And you probably might notice that someone also changed his blog banner to almost the same style and definitely the same person as the one in my banner. I must declare here that it is ABSOLUTELY a coincidence, and definitely NOT planned. I only realized it after I've done mine, put it up, went to his blog, and saw that banner. His opinion to this was "how romantic!".

Haven't done anything interesting during this long holiday. Tomorrow my family will come to KL and we'll head over to Cameron. I hope it'll turn out alright.

Tax Is Taxing

2010-09-08T07:45:00.000+08:00

So I claimed the computer tax exemption for the last income tax, not remembering that I had done it for the 2007 one. So I got a letter from LHDN asking me to pay for the extra tax and the imposed penalty of about RM200 something. In the letter, they calculated the new tax that I was supposed to pay without the computer exemption. But in the end, the extra money that I was supposed to pay should be (new tax without computer exemption - total scheduled tax deduction). Clearly it was not the case in the letter as they used some formula that I simply couldn't understand.

If the amount shown on the letter was the same as the amount that I self calculated, I would've just gone to the bank and settled the whole thing, the extra tax for the computer and the penalty, which amounted to about RM300 plus. But I wasn't sure, so I had to go to the LHDN office to confirm with them.

In some kind of twisted fate, my housemate asked me to bring mooncakes back to hometown for her relatives. I didn't mind but she brought home 4 boxes of them, which I'm sure you know was quite some weight. In the meantime, my Mom and her father known each other because of the charity society that they are both doing. And if that's not enough, my housemate's father used to work with the LHDN.

While passing the mooncakes, we somehow talked about the tax issue that I was having, and in an act of kindness and to return the favour, my housemate's father promised to help me with the problem and referred me to some top management people. Upon meeting the top management, my radar was definitely beeping for sure, if you know what I mean.

That aside, he told me to appeal to get the penalty waived, as it was just my first offense. I had to write a letter to tell them that I made a mistake and overlooked things, basically begging them to please don't take my RM200 plus away from me because I'm in dire condition and would die without it. Well, naturally, the letter of course had to be in Bahasa Malaysia.

Having been not using it for maybe 7 years now, it is definitely as rusty as it can be. I had to crack my head for words like waive and overlooked. I didn't use overlooked in the end. But I managed to get the letter out and the formality and the language were as best as I could.

Hopefully they'll not reject my letter because of grammatical errors. And I could get my money back, even though I would still have to pay the full amount first and wait for them to return the penalty money back to me later.

Distance Of Love - Deleted Scene

2010-09-07T10:09:00.000+08:00

From the beginning

Zhang came home from work one day and Li was sitting on the couch reading a book. He sat down beside Li and held him close. Li rested his head on Zhang's shoulder and asked, "How was your day?" Zhang hesitated for a while before he announced the news, "They want to transfer me to another place."

Li sat up straight almost immediately. Couldn't believe what he had just heard, he said, "What?" Zhang sighed and repeated what he just said. Li's expression was definitely a shocking one. He stared at Zhang for a while before he could ask, "For how long?"

"5 years minimum."

"5 years?!" Li felt devastated. His mind was filled with all kinds of things, how people telling him the failures of long distance relationship, how he would survive 5 years without Zhang, how his life was going to be wasted during his prime time, how Zhang might leave him for another one, how... it was just too much for Li to process.

Zhang saw fear in Li's eyes and tried to calm him down, "I know it sounds really bad, but if you're willing to, I'm sure we can make it through. I am committed to you, and so are you. As long as we trust each other and love each other, it will be enough to push us through the difficult times. Don't think about the bad things. I promise you that I will remain the same, and love you the same, right now, or 5 years later, it doesn't matter. I know this is too much to ask of you, but I really hope that you will be on board with me, we will do this together and I will try my very best to make it work."

Li wasn't very sure about the whole thing but at least he felt that Zhang was sincere and determined. "I want to be positive and support you, but I don't know what will happen in the future," Li expressed his concern. Zhang replied, "Nobody knows what will happen in the future, it's no use worrying about it. As long as we've tried our best, there won't be any regrets."

Zhang held Li close while Li nodded his head, agreed with what Zhang said. Li knew that this would be the biggest challenge for their relationship, but he was willing to take a leap, and see how it would turn out.

Distance Of Love - Chapter 11

2010-09-06T07:00:00.002+08:00

From the beginning
Previously

On his birthday, Li received a text message from Wang telling him to meet at one of the bar they used to frequent. Li couldn’t decide if he really would go or just ignore the message. He finally made up his mind to go because he already lost Zhang and he didn’t want to lose more friends.

When Li arrived, Xu and Wang were already there. They sat down at one table and started chatting.
“生日快乐! 送你的礼物, (Happy birthday! Here’s your present.)” Wang said and handed him the present.
Li thanked them and put the present aside.
Xu then asked Li, “那今年的愿望是什么呢? (What do you wish for this year?)”

Li hadn’t thought about that at all. Right at that moment, just to shake things up, he said jokingly, “要是张毅可以此时此刻出现在我面前, 那有多好啊。 (If Zhang could just appear before me right now, that would be really great.)” Just then, he heard someone talking behind him, “有人说要见我, 是吧? (Did I hear someone asking to see me?)” Li turned around and saw that Zhang was just standing behind him.

“嗨。 (Hi.)” Zhang said. Li was too stunned to say anything, he only managed a wave. Xu and Wang both stood up and said, “我们俩先回避一下, 你们慢慢聊吧。 (We’re gonna let you two talk it out.)” Li tried to grab hold of Wang but didn’t manage to. Zhang sat beside him and Li felt a bit awkward. He tried to say something but nothing came to his mind at that moment.

Zhang then asked, “你还好吗? (How are you doing?)”
“还好。你呢? (I’m alright. You?)”
“还可以。 (Okay.)”
“工作还是很繁忙吗? (Still busy with work like you used to?)”
“比以前好多了。 (A lot better now.)”

Li’s mind was a blank. He wanted to run away but something told him he shouldn’t. Then Zhang said, “你知道吗? 我想了好多遍, 关于我们之间的事。到底是我错了, 还是你错了。 (You know, I’ve been thinking a lot, about what happened between us, whether I did wrong, or you did wrong.)”
“我… (I…)” Li tried to say something, but Zhang stopped him before he could continue, “先听我说。我想了好多遍, 可是我始终没有找到一个满意的答案。事情既然发生了, 那就让它过去, 对吧? 这一年以来, 我试着忘记你, 但后来才发现, 自己根本办不到, 因为在我心底, 我从来都不想忘记。能不能给我们一次机会, 让我们重新来过? (Just listen to me first. I’ve been thinking, but I couldn’t find the answer. Since it happened, might as well just let it be, right? In the past year, I tried to forget you, but in the end I found out, I just couldn’t do it, because deep down in my heart, I know I don’t want to forget you. Can you please give us one more chance, to start over again?)”

Li didn’t expect Zhang to say anything like that, he never dreamt that one day he would be together with Zhang again, that was truly what he wished for, and it had definitely come true. He became teary and only managed to say, “好… (Yes…)”

Li gave Zhang a hug as Xu and Wang watched them nearby, all of them feeling happier than they ever had.

The end
Deleted Scene

Distance Of Love - Chapter 10

2010-09-03T07:00:00.003+08:00

From the beginning
Previously

One year passed, Li and Zhang never talked to each other after that day. Both of them got on with their own lives. Li only knew that Zhang was still working at another town. When he was back in town, he would meet up with Xu and Wang. Wang would ask if Li wanted to join, but Li rejected him every single time. It wasn’t because Li didn’t want to meet Zhang, he actually was eager to meet him, but he just wouldn’t bring himself to, maybe it was his pride, maybe it was the guilt, he didn’t know.

Li was busy with his career most of the time. Sometimes he would even reject his friends’ invitation to go out. He was quite isolated from everyone, but he needed that solitude. Until one day, Xu called him and insisted that he must meet up or else that would be the end of their friendships. Li had no choice but to comply. When he went to the meet up place, he saw Xu and Wang sitting next to each other, and doing things that only couples would. He was puzzled to see that and asked them when he arrived.

“你们俩是怎么了? 恋爱了? (What happened? Are you two in love?)”
Wang gave Xu a nudge, wanting him to do the explaining. Xu then said, “事情是这样的。经过上一次, 他终于明白我的用心良苦, 说给我一次机会。之后, 我就尽我所能, 最终把他给征服了, 尤其是在床上, 呵呵! (Let me explain. Since that incident last time, he finally realized my love for him, and gave me a chance to show it. After that, I tried my best and finally conquered him, especially in bed, haha!)”
“你不害臊啊, 把私事都说出来了? (That’s private! Have you no shame?)” Wang cut in and gave Xu a light smack on the lap.

Li was really surprised, but happy for them at the same time. Watching them teasing each other as a couple made him thought about his time with Zhang when everything was still good and lovely. Wang noticed that and asked Li, “还是没和老张联络? (You’re still not talking to Zhang?)”
Li replied, “没有, 没想要。(No, not intend to.)”
“别那么固执了, 明明心里就念着他。(Don’t be so stubborn, I know you miss him.)”
“哪儿有。别说他了, 行吗? (No, I don’t. Let’s not talk about him, okay?)”
“好, 好, 不说。说说下周你想怎么过生日总可以吧。(Okay, as you wish. Let’s talk about how to celebrate your birthday next week, is that alright?)”

Li didn’t realize his birthday was just in one week’s time. He wasn’t in the mood to celebrate anything, let alone his birthday. He replied, “让我自个儿呆在家里不行吗? (Can’t I just stay at home by myself?)”
“那怎么行! 不管, 咱俩替你做主, 你只要跟着就好了, (Course not! I don’t care, both of us will decide for you. You just need to follow whatever we arranged.)” Wang demanded.

Li was too lazy to argue with them, so he just agreed to the decision.

To be continued

Distance Of Love - Chapter 9

2010-09-02T07:00:00.004+08:00

From the beginning
Previously

Li drowned himself with work and refuse to talk to anyone. He made sure that he was so busy till he had no time to think about other things, things that would upset him. Every day, he went to the office early morning, returned home late at night, then dropped himself on the bed, and repeating the same cycle every single day, even during weekends.

Wang couldn’t stand seeing Li punishing himself like that. He went to look for Li one day and pleaded him to go talk to Zhang, because he was not doing any better at all. After a lot of self encouragement, Li decided to talk to Zhang when he was back in town one day. He thought Zhang would slam the door, but he invited him in.

Zhang made some tea and the both of them sat on the sofa. For a while, nobody said anything, until Li asked, “近来还好吗? (How are you doing lately?)”
Zhang replied, “这你应该很清楚吧。 (I think you should know that very well.)”
“我知道我错了, 我没怪任何人, 这全都是我一个人的错。可是你得明白我的苦衷啊。(I know I’m wrong, I didn’t blame anyone, it’s all my fault. But you have to understand that I have reasons.)”
“苦衷? 你有什么苦衷说来听听, (Reasons? Let’s hear your reasons then.)” Zhang demanded.
“一个人的生活真的没想象中的容易。我每天都很想你, 可是我却不能够拥着你。伤心的时候, 你不在我身边, 快乐的时候, 我也没法和你分享。那时我才发现, 距离对我来说, 是一道永无止境的城墙, 而你我站在这道墙的两边, 无论如何都没办法相见。那种感觉, 真的实在是不好受, (Being alone was really harder than I thought. I missed you so much every day, but I couldn’t hold you tight. When I was sad, you’re not by my side, when I was happy, you’re not here to share it with me. It was then I realized, our distance is like a never ending stretch of wall, you and me separated on both sides of this wall, never able to see each other no matter what. That feeling was tearing me apart.)” Li tried to explain to Zhang.

“我又何尝不是身在一样的处境? 我也希望你可以在我身边, 但是, 现实中就是没有办法。要有外遇那有什么难? 难是难在怎样可以不越轨, 怎样控制自己, 理智地想过后果, 而不是跟着自己的感觉走。 (Do you not know I was in that same situation? I also wished that you would be beside me, but that was just not possible in reality. How hard could it be to have an affair? The harder thing is how not to cross the line, how to control yourself, think about the consequences, and not let your heart lead the way.)” Zhang claimed.
“那只是一时的冲动而已, 我向你保证一定不会有下一次的。你就原谅我这一次可以吗? (I did it on impulse, I promise you it’ll never happen again. Can you please just forgive me this one time? Please?)” Li pleaded.
“有件事我不理解, 我不知道你到底还要些什么。我把整颗心都交给你了, 完完全全无条件地爱你, 除了我们之间的距离, 可否让我知道, 你还需要些什么呢? (There’s one thing that I don’t understand, I don’t know what else you want. I’ve given you my whole heart, loved you exactly the way you are. Besides the distance between us, can you please let me know, what more do you want from me?)” Zhang asked.

Li didn’t know how to reply that question. Deep down inside, he knew very well that he had everything. Zhang was probably the best partner anyone could find. The reason for his affair was purely selfish and personal. He needed attention, he wanted someone close, and he couldn’t stand being alone.

Seeing that Li wasn’t saying anything, Zhang told Li that he had something else to do and asked Li to leave. Li hesitated as he tried to salvage the relationship that he ruined, but decided to leave in the end. As soon as he closed the door behind him, he started to cry. In the house, Zhang couldn’t contain himself no more as tears rolled down his face while he lay on the sofa.

To be continued

Renee Olstead: A Love That Will Last

2010-09-01T13:00:00.007+08:00

I want a little something more
Don't want the middle or the one before
I don't desire a complicated past
I want a love that will last

Say that you love me
Say I'm the one
Don't kiss and hug me and then try to run
I don't do drama
My tears don't fall fast
I want a love that will last

I don't want a just a memory
Give me forever
Don't even think about saying good-bye
'Cause I just want one love to be enough
And remain in my heart till I die

So, call me romantic
Oh I guess that's so
There's something more that you oughta know
I'll never leave you
So don't even ask
I want a love that will last, forever
I want a love that will last

I don't want a just a memory
Give me forever
Don't even think about saying good-bye
'Cause I just want one love to be enough
And remain in my heart till I die

So there's just a little more that I need
I wanna share all the air that you breathe
I'm not the kinda girl to complicate the past
I want a love that will last, forever
I want a love the love that last, always
I just want a love that will last

Want a love that will last

Even though things just keep getting more difficult as the years passed, I'm still looking forward to being with you, no matter what happens. So, thank you for the lasting love that you're giving me.

Distance Of Love - Chapter 8

2010-09-01T07:00:00.002+08:00

From the beginning
Previously

Li was very upset and he decided to look for Wang and tell him everything. He went to Wang’s place the next day and when he told Wang what happened, Wang was totally shocked.

“什么?! (What?!)” Wang exclaimed.
“我… 我有外遇。(I… I’m having an affair.)”
“外遇?! 你… 你… 发生关系了? (Affair?! You… You… It involves sex?)”
Li dropped his head in shame and confessed, “发生了。而且, 还不止一次。(Yes. And not just once.)”
“唉… (Sigh…)”

Suddenly, Li saw someone stepping out from the kitchen, and to his surprise, it was Zhang.
“张毅! 你怎么会在这儿? (Zhang! What are you doing here?)” Li asked, his voice trembling.
“文斌, 我对你失望透了。(Li, I’m very disappointed with you.)” Zhang said. Right after that, he dashed to the door and left.

After Li recovered from the latest shock, he blamed Wang for not telling him that Zhang was at his place.
“你怎么不告诉我张毅在这儿? (Why didn’t you tell me he was here?)”
“我怎么告诉你呀? 你一进门就跟我说你有外遇, 我想说也太晚了 (How? You told me you have an affair the minute you stepped in, it would be too late to stop you),” Wang explained.
“他怎么会在这儿? 你们是不是串通好要揭发我的坏事? (Why was he here? You two were teaming up trying to investigate me?)” Li replied while becoming aggressive.
Wang felt insulted, and said, “串通?! 是啊, 咱们是串通好的, 可是并不是要揭发你, 而是要给你一个生日惊喜。这回好了, 惊是有了, 喜倒变成怒了。小李, 你怎么这么糊涂? (Investigate? Yeah, we did team up, but not to investigate you, but trying to throw you a surprise birthday party. And now, the surprise happened, but the party is gone. Li, how could you be so messed up?”

Li became defensive and replied, “你没资格说我。自个儿每天到处沾花惹草, 你行我就不行啊? (You have no rights to teach me. You’re the one messing around every day, you can, and I can’t?)”
“我是每天到处胡乱, 可我不像你, 我还是单身, 我从来没承诺过人家什么, 他们也知道大家只是出来玩玩儿, 寻找一点快活, 没什么期待, 也不会受伤害。你和张毅两个人是情侣, 是情侣就会有界限, 有些事情是不能越轨的。你难道连这都还不明白吗? (Yes, I mess around all day, but I’m still single, I never promised anyone anything, they all know we’re just having fun, there’s no expectation, and no one gets hurt. You and Zhang are a couple, couples need to follow rules, there are restrictions and boundaries that should not be crossed. You still don’t get it, do you?)” Wang said, pointing out the obvious.

Li didn’t say anything. All of a sudden, he just felt like crying. Tears started to roll down his face. He felt bad for what he did but it was too late, the damage was done. Wang felt pitiful seeing Li like that, he took Li and gave him a hug, while Li cried, letting all of his emotions out.

To be continued

Distance Of Love - Chapter 7

2010-08-31T07:00:00.002+08:00

From the beginning
Previously

Li and Liu would hook up once in a while after that, nobody knew about their affair. On the surface, Li was still together with Zhang, and Zhang actually felt glad that Li was not depressed anymore and had gotten used to the situation. He was quite worried that the long distance relationship might finally crumble.

Liu was hoping that the hook ups meant he actually had a chance to win Li’s heart. But every time he tried to ask further about it, Li just shied away from giving any clear answers. Liu waited because he didn’t want to put pressure on Li, maybe he was not ready or not sure how to end it with Zhang.

But Liu couldn’t hold it no more one day and he just had to know where he stood. After they had dinner and were back at Liu’s place, he popped the question, “你是真心要和我在一起的吗? (Do you really want to be with me?)”
Li was caught off guard, even though he knew he would have to face this, he wasn’t prepared for tonight. He tried to avoid answering the question as usual, “今晚别谈这些好吗？ (Let’s not talk about this tonight, shall we?)”
“不行，今天无论如何你都得给我一个答复 (I’m sorry, you have to give me an answer today)，”Liu replied sternly, “原以为你需要时间适应和准备，可现在已经拖地太久了，我已经没办法再毫下去了。 (I thought you needed time and preparation, but it’s been long overdue now, I can’t waste my time like this anymore.)”
“你就一定得这样吗？咱们现在不是挺好的吗？ (Do you have to be like this? Aren’t we good with the way it is?)”
“对你是挺好呗，我不知道你心里到底在想啥。要不，咱们就做个了结，要不，你就跟张毅说清楚，你选一样（It’s good for you probably, I have no idea what is in your mind. Either we end it between the two of us, or you end it with Zhang, choose on)，”Liu replied, laying out the options for Li.
“我... (I...)” Li uttered, couldn’t make a decision.
“在你做出决定之前，我们最好别再见面了，请你马上离开这里 (Before you could make a decision, I think it’s best we not see each other again, please leave immediately)，” Liu pushed on.

Li had no choice but to leave Liu’s place. He knew that this day would come, and all this while he had been thinking which way to choose, but there was just no answer. He knew that Zhang was very good to him, but right now, Liu was the one who could provide him comfort, by being there by his side.

Li wandered on the streets, and wondered how his life had become such a big mess...

To be continued

Distance Of Love - Chapter 6

2010-08-30T07:00:00.002+08:00

From the beginning
Previously

Li and Liu caught up with each other at the bar after several years of not keeping in touch. Li learnt that Liu was managing his own company now and that he was out of the country most of the time for the past few years. Since Zhang was not around, the both of them would always hang out together. Somehow being with Liu had made Li less lonely and he no longer struggled with the separation anxiety from Zhang.

One night after dinner, Liu invited Li to his place for tea. Li agreed to it without thinking much. They sat on the sofa and started chatting about how Liu struggled to be independent and successful. Li was very impressed with his tenacity and capability. While Liu was still talking, Li suddenly had this urge and he leaned forward to kiss Liu.

Liu was taken aback by Li’s sudden move and both of them didn’t know what to say. Liu was aware that Li had a partner. The awkwardness was getting thicker, and Li was trying very hard to say something. Just when he wanted to mumble some words of apology, Liu stopped him and kissed him back. Li wasn’t sure what was happening, but he didn’t want to care anymore. He didn’t want it to stop.

Li hadn’t been touched for so long that he was enjoying every moment of it. Very soon, Liu would strip off Li’s clothes and kissed all over his body. Li was gasping and moaning, like he had longed to be touched for over a century, as if he was a virgin. He was well aware of all that was happening as his senses were elevated to the highest point possible. It was like constant orgasm throughout.

At this point, there was no right or wrong. There were only lust, and satisfaction.

To be continued

Weekend Rest: Going Home

2010-08-27T19:50:00.001+08:00

When was the last time I was back home? I can't remember. I think it wasn't very long, maybe two months, but somehow I felt like it was forever. Maybe it's different now that le boyfriend is there.

The current story has extended from 10 chapters to 11, due to a minor change in the plot. I actually didn't prepare everything as deep as the last story, like I didn't give the characters much thought, cause this time around, it was all fast track. Even the story progressed a lot faster with fewer details. It definitely isn't my best try but I hope you get the messages that I want to convey.

I've been on diet recently. But there are so many food that I want to eat back home in just a few days. That would probably ruin all my work but I guess I can get back on the diet track again after I come back to KL. So, till next week then. One more thing, story will take a rest on weekends as well. Do come back again on Monday, it'll be on on National day as well.

Distance Of Love - Chapter 5

2010-08-27T07:00:00.002+08:00

From the beginning
Previously

Li heard about what happened and went to see Wang. He wanted to know what Wang thought about all these.

“难道说你从来都不知道? (Are you sure you don’t know about it all these while?)” Li asked, surprised at the same time.
Wang put up his right hand and said, “我王鑫向天发誓, 我从来都不晓得, 否则我将毕生无法找到性福。(I swear to God, I never knew anything about it, or else I will be cursed with bad sex forever.)”
“太夸了吧。(That’s a bit too much.)”
“不夸你不信呗, (If not you wouldn’t believe me.)” Wang quipped.
“你拒绝人家啰? (You rejected him?)”
“也不太算吧。我只说我一直都只是把他当朋友。 (Not exactly, I just told him I thought we are good friends.)”
“那你觉得有可能吗? (Do you think it’s possible?)” Li asked curiously.
Wang raised his eyebrows and said, “几率不太高吧。 (I don’t think so.)”
“说来听听。 (Tell me about it.)”

“首先, 外表就不怎么样, 虽然不算太糟糕, 但也没什么特别。再来, 家境不算富裕, 现在也只是个上班族。没听过贫贱夫妻百事哀吗? 最后, 跟他上街应该很无聊吧, 除了电脑他什么都不知道, (First of all, his look is just okay, not bad but nothing special as well. Secondly, his family is not rich, and he’s working for other people now. Lastly, how bored it would be to go shopping with him! He knows nothing except for his computer.)” Wang explained slowly.
Li was not very please after hearing it and said, “怎么尽是些表面的理由? 你的人真的有那么肤浅吗? (You call those valid reasons? Are you really that superficial?)”
“可是… (But…)” Wang tried to defend himself.
“想不到你和他这么多年朋友, 却一点也不了解他的为人, 你称不上是他的朋友。看来靖涛再为你操心都是白费心机了, (I can’t believe after so many years, you still don’t know what kind of person he is, you are not fit to be his friend. I supposed Xu is just wasting his time on you.)” Li exclaimed, “时候不早了, 我得回去了。再见。 (It’s late now, I better leave. Goodbye.)”

Li then left the place and Wang was left alone to figure things out. He was quite upset with his friends’ conditions, one was agonizing, and the other blind. Instead of going home straight, he decided to drop by the bar to have a few drinks.

As he was sitting at the counter, drinking his third cocktail of the night, he heard someone called his name. “李文斌, (Li Wenbin)” a man behind him said. He turned around and saw a person he thought he would never meet again. “刘傅山? (Liu Fushan?)” Li asked. The man nodded and smiled at him. He was Li’s ex-boss.

To be continued

Distance Of Love - Chapter 4

2010-08-26T07:00:00.001+08:00

From the beginning
Previously

Wang dropped by Xu’s place one day. Wang was telling Xu about this guy that he just met and was totally smitten with.

“他又高又帅, 简直就和我的梦中情人一个样 (He’s tall and handsome, just like my dream guy),” Wang continued, “对我好得不得了, 又送我好多的礼物。 (He treats me so well, and buys me lots of things)” Wang leaned towards Xu and said, “最重要的是, 他的床上功夫也是一流, 简直是人间天堂! (And the most important thing is, he’s absolutely perfect in bed, I’m in heaven!)” And he let out a big laugh.

Xu was basically holding himself together while listening to the descriptions Wang just made, but in the end, he just couldn’t no more. “我喜欢你! (I like you!)” he blurted out finally. Wang immediately stopped laughing, couldn’t believe what he just heard and stared at Xu. “你说什么? (What did you say?)” he asked. Xu, a bit nervous, lower his voice and repeated, “我… 我喜欢你! (I… I like you!)”

Wang was taken aback. He never expected it to come from Xu. “你… (You…)” he stuttered, didn’t know what else to say at first. At last he said, “你有病啊?在那儿瞎说什么? (Are you sick? What are you talking about?)”
“我没病, 也没瞎说。我喜欢你, 从很就以前就喜欢你了。只是你周围有太多的选择, 搞得你眼花缭乱, 根本就没注视过我, (I’m not sick, and I know what I’m saying. I like you, since a very long time ago. But there’s too much distraction around you, and you’re too busy to look at me.)” Xu explained.

“不可能, 不可能我一点感觉也没有, (No, it’s not possible that I didn’t feel a thing.)” Wang exclaimed.
Xu replied, “那是因为我从来就没有把情感挂在脸上, 而是一直都埋藏在心里。好多次我想跟你告白, 但是我害怕最终连朋友都没得做。好多次我又想放弃, 可是我始终还是无法放下。我无法再保持沉默了, 破釜沉舟我也要知道一个结果, 好让我可以死了这条心。(That’s because I’ve never shown it on my face, I just keep everything inside my heart. There were many times that I would want to tell you, but I was worried that in the end we couldn’t even be friends no more. There were also many times that I thought about giving up, but I just couldn’t let go. Now I can’t continue to be silent anymore, whatever the outcome I just want an answer, so that I can move on with my life.)”

Wang was speechless. This was too sudden and intense for him to digest. Xu was waiting for something to come out, and when there wasn’t any, he asked, “你还好吧? (You’re okay?)” Wang snapped out of his thoughts, and said, “可是, 我一直当你是好朋友… (But I always thought you’re my good friend…)”

Xu very well knew what that meant. He sat down on the couch and dropped his head, didn’t say a single word. Upon seeing that, Wang excused himself, “我还是先走好了, (I think I better leave.)” before he went to the door and left Xu’s place.

To be continued

Story Interruption

2010-08-25T13:49:00.000+08:00

I love you, my darling, for loving me.

Distance Of Love - Chapter 3

2010-08-25T07:00:00.004+08:00

From the beginning
Previously

Li invited Xu to come to his place for dinner one day. He wanted to know if his guesses were true. As they sat down for the meal, Li started to ask Xu what he observed the other day.

“我看到了一件有趣的事 (I saw something interesting),” Li said to Xu.
“啥事儿? (What was that?)” Xu was curious.
“那一天你望着小王的眼神。你有事瞒着我呗。 (The way you were looking at Wang the other day. You’re hiding something.)”
As predicted, Xu tried to deny it and replied, “啥眼神？没什么眼神，没事儿瞒着你。 (What look? There’s no look, not hiding anything from you.)”
“还想掰, 明明就有。你喜欢人家是吧? (Stop denying. You like him don’t you?)”
“瞎说! 哪一只眼睛见着了? (That’s crap! You saw wrong.)” Xu was still trying to defend himself.
“两只眼睛都看见了，还看地非常清楚。这只有咱俩，你就认了呗，(Saw it clearly with both my eyes. There’s only the two of us here, just admit it.)” Li continued pushing.

Xu looked at Li, hesitated for a while before he said, “男子汉大丈夫, 认就认呗。是, 我是喜欢小王, 而且还喜欢好一阵子了。(Okay, I’m a man, I’ll admit it. Yes, I like Wang, in fact, I’ve liked him for a while now.)”
“那你向他表白了吗? (Have you told him yet?)”
“当然没有! 你见过他的那群朋友吗? 他是不可能会看上我的, (Of course not! Haven’t you seen the kind of people he’s with? He’ll never be with me, ever.)” Xu expressed his disappointment.
“你不式式看怎么知道? (If you don’t try, how would you know?)” Li questioned.
“唉…… 别说这了, 弄得我情绪都糟透了。说说你呗, (Sigh…… Let’s drop this, it’s making me feel bad. Let’s talk about you.)” Xu asked, trying to divert the topic.

“老实说, 我也好不到哪儿, (To tell you the truth, I’m not any better than you.)” Li replied.
“噢? 怎么啦? (Oh? What happened?)”
“我原以为我会撑得过我和张毅两人分隔两地的事, 可是这一切比我想象中艰苦太多了。我听得着, 看得着, 可是却摸不着, 感觉不着。我感觉不着他在我身边, 我感觉不着他的呼吸, 我感觉不着他的心跳。我好想他…… 我好想他回来, 可是那样又显得太自私。当初是我鼓励他去的, 现在又要求他回来, 三心两意, 总不是太好。但我觉得我快要崩溃了, 我已经无力再撑下去了, (I thought I can survive this long distance relationship, but it’s much harder than I had in mind. I can listen, I can see, but I can’t touch, I can’t feel. I can’t feel him beside me, I can’t feel his breathing, I can’t feel his heart beat. I miss him so much…… I wish that he could come back, but that would be too selfish. I encouraged him to go, and now I want him to come back, it’s not good. But I feel like I’m holding on to the edge of a cliff now, I really have no strength to hang on to it anymore.)” Li poured his heart out to Xu, all the emotions that he welled up for so long.

Xu stood up and gave a teary-eyed Li a big hug, and said to him, “没事的, 说出来就会舒服多了, 没事, 船到桥头自然直, 再多一会儿他就会回来了…… (It’s going to be alright, just let it out. Don’t worry, everything will be fine, he’ll be back sooner than you think……)”
Xu kept holding Li tight and tried to calm him down, while Li was sobbing as he couldn’t hold his emotions in any longer.

To be continued

Distance Of Love - Chapter 2

2010-08-24T07:00:00.003+08:00

Previously

The verdict was finally out. Zhang was to be transferred to another town to work. This outcome was actually being expected by both Zhang and Li. Li couldn’t move with Zhang to the new place because the prospect wouldn’t be as good. This was their first long distance relationship. It was expected but it was still fearful to them.

Although they had heard a lot about long distance relationship, how they crumbled and destroyed the most loving couples, they were still positive and Li was supportive of it.
“没什么的, 科技可以改变命运 (It’s alright, technology is very advanced nowadays),” Li said, thinking that there would be so many ways to keep in touch with each other.
“有爱, 有信, 没什么是办不到的, 对不? (If there’s love and trust, nothing is impossible, right?)” Zhang said.
“嗯。我每天都会想你, 会非常想念你, 恨不得你就在身边 (Right. I will think of you every day, really wish that you were just by my side),” Li replied while giving Zhang a hug.
Zhang hold Li tight and said, “我也是...... (Me too……)” He kissed Li’s forehead, and then on the nose, and finally on the lips. They kissed so passionately that nothing else mattered, not even the fact that Zhang would be leaving in 13 hours.

Li was still coping alright with the separation at first, but soon he would start to feel anxious as time passed. His love for Zhang never changed, but his loneliness was proven to be too much to bear. Xu and Wang started to notice this and they both tried to clam him down by keeping him company whenever they could, so that Li wouldn’t be thinking too much.

One day, they were out as usual, walking in the mall. They stopped by the coffee house to rest and have a drink.
“怎么样? 近来还好吗? (How are you doing lately?)” asked Wang, while sipping coffee from his cup.
Li shrugged and replied, “老样子。(Same old.)”
Xu asked, “就这样? 没其他事儿可说? (Just like that? Nothing more to add?)”
“还有啥好说的? (What’s there to add?)”
“说说最近有没有艳遇, (Let’s talk about your sexcapade)” Wang said cheekily.
“说我? 你自个儿的比泰山还高呗! (My sexcapade? Yours are probably higher than the Burj Dubai I suppose.)” Li took a snipe at Wang.
“哪儿有那么多? 但肯定比你多。整天窝在家, 多不健康, 没病都熬出病来。人生苦短, 干嘛不让自己多快活快活。要就趁早, 不然要都没得找 (Definitely not that many, but certainly more than you my friend. What are you doing, grounding yourself at home? It’s not healthy. Life is short, go and have more fun! Better now, or else it'll be too late.),” Wang dished out his life philosophy.

Li looked over to Xu, trying to get some reaction from him, only to realize that Xu was looking at Wang, with a tad of sadness in his eyes. He never saw Xu like that before. He wondered if something was there, and he was determined to find out.

To be continued

Distance Of Love - Chapter 1

2010-08-23T14:48:00.002+08:00

“介绍个人给你们认识认识, (Let me introduce someone to you)” Wang Xin (王鑫) was quite excited about his new friend, “他是李文斌, 工程系的。(He is Li Wenbin, engineering faculty)” A shy Li waved his hand at the two strangers before him. Wang continued, “这是张毅, 医学系, 另外一个是许靖涛, 谁晓得他是干啥的, 整天都只对着电脑, 多没趣。(This is Zhang Yi, from medical, the other one is Xu Jingtao, whom I have no freaking idea what he’s doing, staring into the computer screen all day, how boring)” Xu smacked Wang on the arm and said to Li, “别听他的, 自以为是艺术系的就觉得很酷, 三五不时到处闲晃, 简直就是在浪费生命。(Don’t listen to him, he thinks he’s so cool doing art, always hanging about everywhere, wasting his life away)” Wang returned the smack upon hearing that.

The four friends had been together ever since. Li was a quiet person, he just came to terms with his sexuality and the only friend he had was Wang, before he met with Zhang and Xu. He was discreet, unlike Wang who was out and loud. Zhang was a mature person for his age, mostly due to his family background which made him the kind of person he was. Xu was a bit nerdy, but a nice person overall.

Eventually, Li and Zhang became a couple. Wang was not going to settle just yet, life was too short for him and he just wanted to have more fun. Xu’s nerdy personality made it difficult for him to find someone, especially in the gay world where beauty matters more. Zhang was like the older brother that Li never had. He was caring and attentive enough, but Li was hoping for something more that he never could get from Zhang. However, Li knew that Zhang was the perfect person for him.

The four remained friends and always hung out even after graduation and started working. Li and Zhang were staying together and living the lives exactly how they wanted it. Their relationship had been smooth sailing so far, of course with minor quarrels here and there, but on the whole, they were the couple to be.

But something big was coming their way to test their commitment, it would be make or break.

To be continued

Emotion

2010-08-18T11:45:00.000+08:00

With le boyfriend far away, and fewer trips back nowadays, we are in a committed but un-couple-like situation. Most of the time, I'm quite used to this kind of condition, after being apart more time than we should be since we got together. So what do you do when you are not single but have a lot of time on your hands? Nowadays, I use these things to occupy my time.

Play Frontierville on Facebook. It's probably nothing exciting, it's similar to Farmville and any other games on Facebook, and basically it can be totally boring to some people. But I've started and now continue playing since. It does take away some of your time. Sometimes at night, after work, when I'm not going out, and I want to listen to music, but there's nothing else to do or read on the internet, playing Frontierville is perfect.

And I've got my Wii. The Wii is a time killer machine definitely. Just play an RPG game and you'll be sitting on the couch for hours. Even Tennis would keep me playing for hours. But I've stopped playing it because my arms really hurt and I don't want to injure them further. Now I'm playing Super Paper Mario. It's probably a game more suitable for kids, really, cause the game play is really easy and even the bosses were easy to kill, but some of the puzzles really made me think hard. If you prefer something more challenging, Final Fantasy is always a good choice.

But machines can only do so much. Sometimes you'll still want the human connections. So I go out with friends. But sometimes friends are not available and friends would want to have time with their dears and darlings, or single friends who already have appointment with other people. That's when I would start to feel lonely. Usually I don't feel lonely easily, but once in a while I do. But as they say in The Devil Wears Prada, I just have to deal with it.

My way of dealing it? Play more Frontierville, play more Wii. If that didn't help, then sing lots of Faye Wong.

Back Again, No Matter What

2010-07-29T14:20:00.001+08:00

It seems like I've stopped blogging. Yes, I am just so lazy, and too busy with Frontierville. Not to mention I'm still sick, sort of the continuation from the last round, but I did get a few days of health before descending into more sore throat and mild flu and pain, until now. It's freaking troublesome! But I don't care anymore! I will eat what I like to eat and let my throat rot! Just one side effect, all those tonsil problems have caused Tonsillolith. It's bad. It causes bad breath. I apologize if you ever needed to endure it, and I will shut my mouth up if you asked me to.

Went to Singapore with le boyfriend again, and this time we stayed at a friend's place. The place is above standard definitely with all the necessary appliances and services: air-cond, water heater, great iron, ironing board, broadband internet, nice bed, washing machine, dryer, fluffy towel, fridge full of stuffs, free home cooked meals, great host, etc. And the place is near to an MRT station, and it's opposite one Fair Price supermarket. We did nothing except for shopping and eating. We didn't go to Marina Sand area, I wanted to but it was too late when I thought about that. Le boyfriend went to every single bookstore he could find and spent a whole lot of time in each one, and I was none too pleased about it. At least I'm not complaining about the walking this time, cause I did some preparations beforehand.

I wanted to buy the iPhone 4 for my own birthday gift this year. But it seems like the antenna issue is really horrible no matter how Steve Jobs wanted to make it look otherwise. What's the point of using a phone that drops calls when I touch that particular spot near the bottom left side? The idea of buying a phone is to make phone calls, and if it cannot do that, I might as well just use my iPod Touch. So I've decided not to buy the iPhone 4. And since I still need to buy something for myself, I've decided to buy the Wii. I wanted to buy a game console for a very long time now, but I just couldn't decide on which one to buy. Le boyfriend's mom got the Wii not long ago and I played with it and loved it instantly. So now I want to get one too. It'll be perfect for my new Pemberley too.

Increment is in and it's never enough, but I guess it's better than nothing. The company is paying the graduates more than the older employees, which is totally messed up I think. The only way out of this is to find a rich spouse and be a househusband. I don't mind taking care of kids if I have to. But it's probably not going to come true anytime soon. And I probably can't stay at home forever like that. I don't mind working, as long as it's something repetitive and doesn't require much brain power. Any suitable job?

Jagged Little Pill

2010-06-19T12:12:00.001+08:00

It has been ages. But it was just last week that I started to feel very sick and subsequently was on MC for one whole week. What prompted this long MC was that on my second visit to the doctor, she found out that I was still having fever even though I had taken the fever pills she gave me the day before. Along with flu and sore throat, she said I had symptoms of H1N1, and therefore asked me to stay at home for the rest of the week. It was only Wednesday that day.

But, even without the H1N1 issue, my throat would be too painful to allow me to work anyway. It was excruciating pain I was having and I am not exaggerating here. It felt like my throat was being slashed open by a knife. Everything that passed through the throat was like atomic bomb exploded inside. It was the worst ever sore throat in my life. I asked le boyfriend about it and all he said was honey. Very useful there.

The doctor put me on one antibiotic, and another one when I went back again because it was so painful. 2 types of antibiotics and they didn't help at all. If the pain level was 90 before the meds, it became maybe 89 after the meds. I had to go back to the doctor again and she put me on another antibiotic. Finally it worked and the pain started to fade away.

Then I started to cough. So I went to see the doctor again. She said it wasn't chesty cough, maybe because of all the antibiotics, I had gastric reflux. So she put me on gastric pills. All those pills, plus the flu pills, fever pills and also one more muscle relief pills. That was because the first day I went to the doctor, I actually had been having headaches quite frequently then, which never happened before. The doctor said it was the muscle, so the muscle relief pills.

I think I've contributed enough to the pharmaceutical industry this year.

Brand Spanking New

2010-05-29T15:25:00.002+08:00

The trusted Mr. Darcy had suffered quite a bit under my clumsy directions. With scratches dated 3 years back and the latest one, which was the worst of all, I just had to send him in for some work to be done. Beautifying process cost RM1000, and there goes my money for Pemberley. Seriously need financial help from somebody.

So Mr. Darcy is as good as new, except for the paint smell which still lingers. It totally overpowers the new car smell which I managed to maintain for as long as before it went into the workshop.

Mr. Darcy also had a fair share of people stealing things off of him. The rear wiper, the radio antenna, and the latest one, which was totally unexpected, the fuel tank lid. I'm not sure why people would want to steal that, but it was gone when I was trying to fill up the tank the other day. I stared at the wide open gap for a while and decided leave without pumping petrol.

I'm sure once I get into Pemberley, I would be staying at a more civilized place and therefore nobody would want to steal accessories from Mr. Darcy again. It's just a MyVi for god sake, not a Mercedes, go steal from other people!

My Place Is Not My Place Right Now

2010-05-10T14:25:00.001+08:00

I sort of kicked my housemate out. As cruel as it might sound, we didn't do the fighting and shouting and pointing out each others' faults. In fact, she's still staying with me at the moment, and I have no idea when she would be leaving. We agreed that she would leave, but just don't know when, because she has too much stuffs around the house and she sucks at keeping them in order, and therefore, my place is not in order right now, since she moved in, about 3 years ago.

The house hasn't been tidy for 3 years. I sort of just let it slip because the stuffs lying around are mostly hers. Well, you know how feelings and emotions built up, and I find it harder to cope with each passing day. Stuffs keep getting more and piling up around me. And also, she's sloppy. One thing I know is that it doesn't mean you're not sloppy if you are a girl.

My last sanity crumbled one day when she picked out rice bugs, not killing them (cause she's supposedly a Buddhist) and dumped them into the trash bin. I asked her if she knew that the bugs would crawl right out and wander about in the house. And this was her exact words, in Mandarin: Don't be silly, the trash has tons of food for them. Why would they crawl out?

Well, seriously, I probably would expect a 5 year old to say that, or someone from the asylum, but to hear it from an engineer, I think my mind exploded just then. Once again, I just have to stress that her mind is definitely not set to earth, maybe to Pluto or something. It's like The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. It's anything but human.

And so my mind exploded, and I asked her when she could leave so that I could stay alone, in a very nice tone. She asked if I was serious and I told her I was serious. She then said end of April would be good. I was satisfied, but I knew she would not make it by then, because she really has a lot of stuffs in the house. There is no way she could pack everything in such a short time, which was two weeks' time.

She's still staying with me, which means she totally didn't make it, in fact, she didn't even make an attempt to start. Yesterday, as she wasn't doing anything much, I told her I would need her to tidy the place up. She was reluctant, but I was firm on getting it done. I cleaned my own room while she cooked herself brunch. After that, I started with the living room area. She had no choice but to sit down and started with one small corner as well.

I threw away a lot of stuffs, unwanted stuffs, mostly hers. I asked her one by one if she needed them. If she needed them, I would say keep them away, somewhere I can't see, they don't belong here. The whole thing was like a military drill. And of course I was the boss. After clearing up the place, I moved a few things so that it'll be easier to manage and clean in the future. It was considered successful, my mission to get my place back in shape, at least for the living room area, for now.

Now I must not let her mess up that place ever again. Once it's clean, it will be clean, unwanted stuffs will find themselves in the trash bin. Other than that, we are on good terms, we still talk to each other and crack jokes. I know she will stay on for another while even though she said she would move soon. As long as my place is tidy and she doesn't mess it up, I'm okay with that.

Very soon, my place will be my place again.

It's Bangkok

2010-04-09T22:06:00.000+08:00

Number of passengers going to Bangkok: 72
Number of gay men on the plane: At least 20
Number of closeted or straight looking gay men on the plane: Maybe 10

We can't understand what is the fascination of Bangkok during the period of Songkran to a gay man, but one thing for sure, they gay men seem to not able to live without Songkran, as they horde themselves here in the city. They're practically everywhere, especially the hotel that we're staying right now. Even saw someone we know from home. As for me, I'm just here simply because I've never been here before, and nothing is going to stop me from coming this time.

Me: May I know why you like to go to Bangkok during Songkran?
Gay man #1: It's Songkran! Doesn't that fascinate you?
Me: What about it?
Gay man #2: Oh honey, it's Songkran. That's everything about it!
Gay man #3: The water, the splashing, the people. Most importantly, you're bound to get wet. And when you're wet, you just have to take off your shirt or else you'll just fall really sick, that's bad, isn't it? So, the shirt has to go. Same for the others as well. And you get to see it all, on the streets, everywhere! It's like heaven!
Me: But Bangkok is kinda dangerous to be at right now, isn't it? With the riot and all?
Gay man #1: We'd rather DIE than to not able to take off our shirts and show off these muscles!
Gay man #2: That's right! These muscles has got to be seen no matter what, even if I have to risk my life!
Me: Right. ... ...

Still don't get the idea of coming to Bangkok during Songkran, but they're here, lots of them, and you can't miss them with their tight muscle tee and short pants. It's gay invasion. Like a sci-fi movie. Anyway, had some nice food to eat on my first day here and is totally amazed by their supermarket. I would go shop at the supermarket everyday if I lived here, and probably would've gone broke too.

Well, something else happened while I was on the plane coming to Bangkok. The first button of my shirt fell off, exposing the chest. I guess this is what you get when you come to Bangkok during Songkran, it's an invisible force manipulating stuffs. It's inevitable.

Do You Know

2010-04-07T16:20:00.000+08:00

Did it ever cross your mind that the cheesecake that we all eat, is actually a pie, and not a cake? According to this website, despite the word cake in its name, the cheesecake is actually a pie because it has a crusty base, and it does not rise, like most cakes do. Reasonable argument?

If you can't accept that, think about pineapple. It isn't a pine, and it isn't an apple. There.