Distance Of Love - Chapter 9

From the beginning
Previously

Li drowned himself with work and refuse to talk to anyone. He made sure that he was so busy till he had no time to think about other things, things that would upset him. Every day, he went to the office early morning, returned home late at night, then dropped himself on the bed, and repeating the same cycle every single day, even during weekends.

Wang couldn’t stand seeing Li punishing himself like that. He went to look for Li one day and pleaded him to go talk to Zhang, because he was not doing any better at all. After a lot of self encouragement, Li decided to talk to Zhang when he was back in town one day. He thought Zhang would slam the door, but he invited him in.

Zhang made some tea and the both of them sat on the sofa. For a while, nobody said anything, until Li asked, “近来还好吗? (How are you doing lately?)”
Zhang replied, “这你应该很清楚吧。 (I think you should know that very well.)”
“我知道我错了, 我没怪任何人, 这全都是我一个人的错。可是你得明白我的苦衷啊。(I know I’m wrong, I didn’t blame anyone, it’s all my fault. But you have to understand that I have reasons.)”
“苦衷? 你有什么苦衷说来听听, (Reasons? Let’s hear your reasons then.)” Zhang demanded.
“一个人的生活真的没想象中的容易。我每天都很想你, 可是我却不能够拥着你。伤心的时候, 你不在我身边, 快乐的时候, 我也没法和你分享。那时我才发现, 距离对我来说, 是一道永无止境的城墙, 而你我站在这道墙的两边, 无论如何都没办法相见。那种感觉, 真的实在是不好受, (Being alone was really harder than I thought. I missed you so much every day, but I couldn’t hold you tight. When I was sad, you’re not by my side, when I was happy, you’re not here to share it with me. It was then I realized, our distance is like a never ending stretch of wall, you and me separated on both sides of this wall, never able to see each other no matter what. That feeling was tearing me apart.)” Li tried to explain to Zhang.

“我又何尝不是身在一样的处境? 我也希望你可以在我身边, 但是, 现实中就是没有办法。要有外遇那有什么难? 难是难在怎样可以不越轨, 怎样控制自己, 理智地想过后果, 而不是跟着自己的感觉走。 (Do you not know I was in that same situation? I also wished that you would be beside me, but that was just not possible in reality. How hard could it be to have an affair? The harder thing is how not to cross the line, how to control yourself, think about the consequences, and not let your heart lead the way.)” Zhang claimed.
“那只是一时的冲动而已, 我向你保证一定不会有下一次的。你就原谅我这一次可以吗? (I did it on impulse, I promise you it’ll never happen again. Can you please just forgive me this one time? Please?)” Li pleaded.
“有件事我不理解, 我不知道你到底还要些什么。我把整颗心都交给你了, 完完全全无条件地爱你, 除了我们之间的距离, 可否让我知道, 你还需要些什么呢? (There’s one thing that I don’t understand, I don’t know what else you want. I’ve given you my whole heart, loved you exactly the way you are. Besides the distance between us, can you please let me know, what more do you want from me?)” Zhang asked.

Li didn’t know how to reply that question. Deep down inside, he knew very well that he had everything. Zhang was probably the best partner anyone could find. The reason for his affair was purely selfish and personal. He needed attention, he wanted someone close, and he couldn’t stand being alone.

Seeing that Li wasn’t saying anything, Zhang told Li that he had something else to do and asked Li to leave. Li hesitated as he tried to salvage the relationship that he ruined, but decided to leave in the end. As soon as he closed the door behind him, he started to cry. In the house, Zhang couldn’t contain himself no more as tears rolled down his face while he lay on the sofa.

To be continued